How do guys get stuck in the "friend zone"?

[was_peacemaker]

You know years ago you didn't really see guys 25+ getting stuck in the friend zone with a woman...but as our society has drastically and oddly changed you see it.

You know the guy. He really like's a particular woman, she knows it but plays the "lets be friends card". He bites and with hopes and aspirations of being with her so he decides to play puppy on a string. He'll go shopping with her, change the oil in her car, cook dinner, fix things around the house...but she always keeps her guard up. He does all the things a b/f or husband would do but he never gets any intimacy. I see guys in situations like this and can't figure out how they get stuck in something like that, when its obvious they are never going to really be with that woman. What's even stranger is when these women with "friend zone" guys date someone else and the "friend zone" guy pops up to still be the puppy dog.

I am not saying a fellow can't be friends with a woman and it not evolve into something else. I am not saying a guy can't have female friends. I am talking about guys who are stuck in a relationship were they think their efforts will be awarded and they are only being used...and somehow think its ok. It's just strange...especially if they are over 25.

How does that happen? Would a fellow's self esteem have to be in shambles for him to end up like that?

[Aggressive Perfector]

How do they get there? By acting like you.

[was_peacemaker]

How do they get there? By acting like you.

No...I get stuck with crazy women who listen to country music and believe that I should fall in love with them after I sleep with them a time or two. LOL!

[tank_monkey]

If you're not one of those guys stuck in the so called "friend zone" WHY are you asking? What does it have to do with you? Are you one walking talking sociology experiment gone awry or something?

[was_peacemaker]

If you're not one of those guys stuck in the so called "friend zone" WHY are you asking? What does it have to do with you? Are you one walking talking sociology experiment gone awry or something?

Just chatting. I just notice it and wonder how in the world a fellow could end up in a situation like that. Its like the women who always run back to their abusive b/f's or husbands thinking they can change them.

[l921428x]

Just chatting. I just notice it and wonder how in the world a fellow could end up in a situation like that. Its like the women who always run back to their abusive b/f's or husbands thinking they can change them.

no it is not the same thing, it is called love.
just because she will not sleep with you does not mean you do not care
enough to help her as much as you can.

I prefer to be around women because of their compassion,
my doctors are women,
hell so is my wife.

hey it's 1:46 don't you have something to sneak up on?

[Oswald Bastable]

How do they get there? By acting like you.

Bingo!

[Kadmos]

I don't know, seems to me you never really know what someone else's relationship/friendship is really all about. Even people you're might be really close to like your parents, you never really know that relationship.

It might be easy to come up with a pigeonholed thought, but it's not going to likely be very accurate.

It's possible the relationship is much more two way than it appears. Maybe not sexually, but still, who really knows.

Some of my best friendships growing up were with females that I wasn't particularly interested in, not that they were massively ugly or anything like that, just not attracted to or interested in for some reason or other. But a couple of those were very flirtatious, because flirting can be fun. I'm sure it appeared to others that we were into each other.

As far as doing stuff for other people, often it's just fun and fulfilling, it's pretty normal to help a friend move or work on their car, what difference does it make what gender they are?

[Oswald Bastable]

Some of my best friendships growing up were with females that I wasn't particularly interested in, not that they were massively ugly or anything like that, just not attracted to or interested in for some reason or other.

Which is why you weren't stuck in the "friend zone" with them....

[Kadmos]

Which is why you weren't stuck in the "friend zone" with them....

And why I'm saying many of these other guys might not be either.

As long as the woman isn't taking advantage of the guy to the point of actually causing him hurt or serious financial loss, then what difference does it make?

[Oswald Bastable]

And why I'm saying many of these other guys might not be either.

As long as the woman isn't taking advantage of the guy to the point of actually causing him hurt or serious financial loss, then what difference does it make?

Ah...the Hitlery defense...good show. Well done from the leftist perspective.

[Sherman]

I have been in that situation. They see it as " why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free " type mentality. In other words, if your willing to do all those things for her without the intimacy, why be intimate you and possibly screw that up. It's a give and take. If she if taking more than she is giving.......she is using you.

[Richard Simmons]

As others have posted. If you're talking about yourself then you know exactly why you're in the situation so change or accept it. If you really are talking about others then you should be asking yourself, "Don't I have more important things in my own life to ponder?" Most people can trace their problems, if they are willing be honest back to poor choices and a lack or personal responsibility. Some of which could be do to immaturity but a large portion is just plan old stupidity. Live and learn or don't, it's all about choice.

[was_peacemaker]

As others have posted. If you're talking about yourself then you know exactly why you're in the situation so change or accept it. If you really are talking about others then you should be asking yourself, "Don't I have more important things in my own life to ponder?" Most people can trace their problems, if they are willing be honest back to poor choices and a lack or personal responsibility. Some of which could be do to immaturity but a large portion is just plan old stupidity. Live and learn or don't, it's all about choice.

Ummm...no nothing to do with me. Just something I noticed here in the last couple of years, and thought its kind of odd. I ponder all types of questions all the time. I brought this up just to chit chat, and its got to be one of the most harmless threads in the history of threads.

Most people can trace their problems? If that was the case then the psychiatric field would not be as large as it is.

[was_peacemaker]

If she if taking more than she is giving.......she is using you.

Bingo! Women are becoming masters at this. In fact its like emotional gold digging.

[Richard Simmons]

Ummm...no nothing to do with me. Just something I noticed here in the last couple of years, and thought its kind of odd. I ponder all types of questions all the time. I brought this up just to chit chat, and its got to be one of the most harmless threads in the history of threads.

Most people can trace their problems? If that was the case then the psychiatric field would not be as large as it is.

There is a huge difference in making bad choices and being mentally ill but maybe you don't understand that? Buy something you don't need with money you don't have then bitch and complain about being broke applies to a huge amount of the population. That's a poor choice not a mental defect. Very few of us are victims of circumstance in our daily lives whether it's man and woman relationship like you posted about or living a hand to mouth existence in a dead end job. It's all about choices and or lack of personal responsibility.

[was_peacemaker]

There is a huge difference in making bad choices and being mentally ill but maybe you don't understand that? Buy something you don't need with money you don't have then bitch and complain about being broke applies to a huge amount of the population. That's a poor choice not a mental defect. Very few of us are victims of circumstance in our daily lives whether it's man and woman relationship like you posted about or living a hand to mouth existence in a dead end job. It's all about choices and or lack of personal responsibility.

Good points I agree with that. Great analogy about the careless spending. The thing is a lot of these people will not admit the fact that they are broke because of their irresponsibility so the go waste more money on financial advice books etc. Just like a lot of folks aren't mentally ill, but find a doctor to give them meds and tell them "it's not their fault".

I agree with you...and it does seem like the older generations had a better handle on things, but Gen-X, and Gen-Y are heavily medicated, and live in constant debt.

[skorpion]

Unless the woman is a blood relative or fugly, it is impossible for men and women to "just be friends". Lots of women think and feel like they can, but the truth is men will at some point in the "friendship" want to have sex with them.

Agreed. The little head may be the smaller of the two, but there are times when its power can be greater than that of the big head.

[1 Patriot-of-many]

That's why Kadmos turned gay early in life, No girls wanted to be anything but "friends with him" he was good at bootlicking and not much more. LAGC turned later in life when he became a bitch in prison.

[JTHunter]

It may also be a case of people being just enough afraid of "casual sex" giving them a disease like herpes (genital warts)or chlamydia (to name a couple of "less serious" ones), or the old serious ones, syphilis and gonorrhea.
Men also have to be concerned that they could hook up with some "mentally unstable" woman that will scream "RAPE!" after the fact if she doesn't get her way.

Sometimes, it just isn't worth the aggravation!