First joke thread

[L1A1Rocker]

So, did you hear the joke about the def man and the dumbass?

























WHAT?

:joker:

[Sidartha]

Three guys walk in a bar..



The fourth one ducks.



Da Dum Ching

[Mark Ducati]

3 School Boys were arguing about who's daddy made more money...

The first one says "My daddy puts some words down on a piece of paper, calls it a poem and makes a hundred dollars".

The second one says "My daddy puts some words down a piece of paper, calls it a song and makes a thousand dollars".

The last little boys says "My daddy puts some words down a piece of paper, calls it a sermon and it takes 6-8 men to collect all the money".

[swampdragon]

Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah were all on an airplane when Michelle said she could throw out $100 and make 100 people very happy.

Obama trying to be the dominant person, said he could throw out $1000 and make 1000 people very happy.

Oprah trying to show off, said she could throw out $1000000 and make 1000000 people very happy.

The pilot over heard their conversation, opened a curtain, looked back and said "I can throw out just the 3 of you dumb asses and make half the F****** country very happy!"

[old Grump]

Only 3????

[deth502]

little swampy came home from school with a smile on his face &told his mom, "krupski showed me his weenie today on the playground" before his mom could say a word, swampy went on to say, "it reminded me of a peanut". relaxing with a smile, his mom asked, "really? it was small?"

swampy said, "no, it was salty"

[sniper_n_training]

A baby seal walks into a club

[a-kmanator]

Q....How can you tell that your auto mechanic recently had sex?
A....He has ONE clean finger.

[deth502]

A doc told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent all day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, the restroom was too open & an alley was too unsafe. Finally, he
realized his solution.
On his way home he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out & crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants & started to masturbate,
he closed his eyes & thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard , "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

[swampdragon]

little swampy came home from school with a smile on his face &told his mom, "krupski showed me his weenie today on the playground" before his mom could say a word, swampy went on to say, "it reminded me of a peanut". relaxing with a smile, his mom asked, "really? it was small?"

swampy said, "no, it was salty"

:countdown:

:lool:

[cciota]

A Mexican, an Arab,and a guy from Arizona are
in the same bar.


When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throw his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The guy from Arizona, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says,
'In Arizona , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

[justinsaneok]

FN great

[old Grump]

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when
He notices a frog sitting on a Golf Ball.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone..
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to
Prove the frog wrong, puts the club
Away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, he?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with
Him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!

Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed
The best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table,

The man asks, "What do you think I
Should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.

You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies,

"Ribbit KissMe."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a
Gorgeous girl.

"And that
Is how the girl ended up in
My room, Elin.
So help me, or my name is not Tiger Woods."