One liners, keep it clean

[old Grump]

Bad jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I ran into a guy I know in the bar the other night, cops charged me with DUI and reckless driving.





have at it if you can.

[Oswald Bastable]

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You just need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

[N/A]

The evening started out with just a few drinks with friends....but later he woke up all alone....

http://www.adbranch.com/wp-content/uploads/coca-cola_polar_bear_northern_lights_1993-610x455.jpg

http://www.greaterthings.com/Humor/Images/polar_bear_slip.jpg

[skorpion]

If one liner keeps it clean, do two liners keep it even cleaner?

What did the thief say to the shop owner after he was caught stealing wigs? "I forgot toupée you!"

N/A, I can barely bear the thought of losing my bearings after seeing all those bare bears again.

[N/A]

If one liner keeps it clean, do two liners keep it even cleaner?

What did the thief say to the shop owner after he was caught stealing wigs? "I forgot toupée you!"

N/A, I can barely bear the thought of losing my bearings after seeing all those bare bears again.

Do armed bears bear arms?

[Phil125]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

[old Grump]

A weepy hugging drunk, about as much fun as a warm bucket of calf slobber.


I sat up all night wondering where the sun went......then it dawned on me.

[Oswald Bastable]

The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on the list.

[old Grump]

Old gossip, beating a dead horse don't make it taste better.


I was wondering, "Why is that baseball getting bigger?" Then it hit me.

[TEN-32]

Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...

[Gunner1558]

When the bank sent me a NSF notice, I called them and asked "You or me?'

[sevlex]

I thought I was wrong once......but I was wrong.

[El Duce]

You hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

[dfariswheel]

From Dean Martin:
"I woke my wife up last night parking the car. I ran over the coffee table".

Attributed to Bat Masterson:
"It's sorta hard to out draw a man who's already drawed".

[old Grump]

You know you're an Okie when it doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.




Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .



Yer a good ol boy if’n you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

[TEN-32]

She offered her honor, I honored her offer, and then I was on her and off her.

[old Grump]

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams (1952-2001)


If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.



Young people should be helped, sheltered, ignored, and clubbed of necessary.
Al Capp

An unemployed jester is nobodys fool.

[stinker]

<====If you are lost, please go this way for asistance====>

[davepool]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

[davepool]

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

[old Grump]

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

[old Grump]

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life but it broke

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to it's diameter=Eskimo Pi