Senior Sex

[Viking350]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

[davepool]

I'll have to remember to find an electric fence when my wife and i hit our 50th in 14 years :)

[Viking350]

I'll have to remember to find an electric fence when my wife and i hit our 50th in 14 years :)

:thumbspbig:

[Krupski]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having had a bad day, decides to teach these old farts a lesson. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.

In the mean time, the police officer calls for backup, which arrives in minutes.

Finally, the couple gets to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Both officers deploy their taser weapons. One fires at the husband, the other at the wife.

The taser shots go on for about ten minutes while the couple makes loud noises, moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policemen are amazed. Both the husband and wife are still alive.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policemen, still watching, thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

The police officer winks at his partner, then tells the old man "It's still not an electric fence......"

Finally, the old couple is arrested, cuffed, charged with public lewdness, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer and violently thrown into the police car.

After a thorough investigation, Internal Affairs determines that the officers acted "Within Departmental Guidelines".

The old couple's civil lawsuit has been dismissed.

Sadly, the husband died weeks later of heart failure.

[Cypher]

Buy stun gun, check.

[studmuffin]

'You climb obstacles like old people fuck"!

[Helen Keller]

'You climb obstacles like old people fuck"!



:lool:



I haven't heard that in 14 years.

[studmuffin]

Thank you R Lee Ermey and Vincent D'Onofrio.

[Gunner1558]

They had been married 62 years, and the grand-daughter was offering condolences to grandma for the loss of gramps, at age 87.

" Yes dear, he died while we were having sex."

" What? At your age!"

" Yes dear, every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells."

" In on the ding and out on the dong tones."

" And he'd probably still be alive if it hadn't been for thar darned ice cream wagon coming through so early!"

[studmuffin]

Phil was 90 an shirl was 91. The both lived at the same nursing home/retirement home. After dinner they liked to sit out back in the garden and watch the sun go down. After dark and when they were left alone Phil would unzip his flye and let shirl hold "it". That is as far as it went, but it was a trust and togethernes thing.

This went on for many months until a new girl showed up, Florence. Florence was much younger at 72 and frequently flirted with Phil much to Shirl's chagrin. After a while Phil and Shirl stopped having their after dark hold sessions. Now Phil and Florence would sit at the same park bench and Florence would hold "it", while Shirl would sit in her room feeling sorry for herself.

This went on for several months until Florence suddenly took ill with a kidney infection and was rushed away to the hospital never to return. Phil then turned back to Shirl, but Shirl was still very angry at being dumped. She angrily asked Phil why Florence was so much better holding his penis than she. Phil simply responded that it was OK when Shirl held it, but nothing happened. But when Florence held it great things happened because Florence had Parkinsons diease and oh boy was that fun.

[silentkilla]

man that is F'D up!!!!! lmao

[Krupski]

'You climb obstacles like old people fuck"!

"Holy Jesus! What is that? What the FUCK is that??? What is that Private Pyle???"
"Sir, a jelly donut sir!"
"A jelly donut????"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"How did it get here?"
"Sir, I took it from the mess hall sir!"
"Is chow allowed in the barracks Private Pyle?"
"Sir, no sir!"
"Are you allowed to eat jelly donuts Private Pyle?"
"Sir, no sir!"
"And why not Private Pyle?"
"Sir, because I'm too heavy sir!"
"Because you are a disgusting fat body Private Pyle!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Then why did you hide a jelly donut in your footlocker Private Pyle?"
"Sir, because I was hungry sir!"
"Because you...were...hungry..."

That's one (of my many) favorite parts in that movie.

On another note, it really sucks that they trained with M-14 rifles, but then were issued that POS M-16......