Yay fer ME!!!!!!

[DesertDawg]

gettin a divorce...... Well fuk.

[HDR]

Is this good or bad?

[DesertDawg]

Is this good or bad?

Bad, I guess... Not that were leavin on bad terms, we just cant get along anymore.

[btcave]

Sorry to hear that D-Dog. How long have you been married? No chance at recovery?

[O.S.O.K.]

No kids though right? That's the hardest part of a divorce... Sorry to hear this. :frown:

[DesertDawg]

Sorry to hear that D-Dog. How long have you been married? No chance at recovery?

13 years... And I dont know if its even salvageable right now.

[DesertDawg]

No kids though right? That's the hardest part of a divorce... Sorry to hear this. :frown:

2 kids.. 14yo and 5yo.

[O.S.O.K.]

Oh man.... if there's any hope of salvaging the relationship... if nothing else - for your two kidos.

Have you two been to a councilor?

[1 Patriot-of-many]

SOB. DD Just knowing you here, I wish you luck. Sucks to see marriages breaking up, sometimes for the best though.

[DesertDawg]

Oh man.... if there's any hope of salvaging the relationship... if nothing else - for your two kidos.

Have you two been to a councilor?

nah, aint tried the counseling... she dont want to do that.

[DesertDawg]

SOB. DD Just knowing you here, I wish you luck. Sucks to see marriages breaking up, sometimes for the best though.

maybe for the best, who knows,... Not like Im around much anyway.

[O.S.O.K.]

Are you away on duty right now? That'd be tough...

[DesertDawg]

Are you away on duty right now? That'd be tough...

nah, im home.

[O.S.O.K.]

Well, at least you can sit down and talk to gether ftf.

I would suggest insisting on doing the counciling thing - especially since you most likely have this as a free service?

Tell her that you love her and want to work it out...

I'm no expert here - just know that me and my wife have always talked and that helps a lot. When you don't, you both make up shit in your heads and get pissed over the situation - and maybe for things that aren't even real.

[DesertDawg]

Well, at least you can sit down and talk to gether ftf.

I would suggest insisting on doing the counciling thing - especially since you most likely have this as a free service?

Tell her that you love her and want to work it out...

I'm no expert here - just know that me and my wife have always talked and that helps a lot. When you don't, you both make up shit in your heads and get pissed over the situation - and maybe for things that aren't even real.

We have talked, quite a bit.. and she knows I love her, and she loves me. we just dont get along.

[308]

It's what happens when two people lose respect for each other.

[DesertDawg]

It's what happens when two people lose respect for each other.

Nah, I respect her, and i feel like she respects me.. were just very different people now.

[O.S.O.K.]

Man, that's a shame. Most people that get divorced from what I can tell, it's over more than that - tough finacial situation, afairs, drugs/alcohol... that kind of thing.

I don't mean to pry - but how old is your wife? Could it be "the change"? If so, then just knowing that could make a big difference.

Sorry, I just hate seeing people break up. :(

Please feel free to tell me to bug off... I will take no offense.

[DesertDawg]

Man, that's a shame. Most people that get divorced from what I can tell, it's over more than that - tough finacial situation, afairs, drugs/alcohol... that kind of thing.

I don't mean to pry - but how old is your wife? Could it be "the change"? If so, then just knowing that could make a big difference.

Sorry, I just hate seeing people break up. :(

shes the same age as me.. 33

[btcave]

I've been divorced once. I refused to go to counseling then. When my second marriage was on the verge of divorce, we did counseling for 8 months, and then I got deployed to the middle east for a year with only 2 weeks notice back in '03. I'm still married to that wonderful woman who stuck with me through two deployments.

You see, I wanted the 2nd marriage to survive, so I went to counseling. If one of the partners won't go, it could be they just are scared or creeped out by it, or don't believe in it for some reason. But... it could also be they don't WANT to salvage the marriage.

I hope everything works out for both of you. If it's divorce, I hope it's amiable and fair to both of you.

Don't let your emotions get the better of you and do something stupid!

Good luck D-Dog.

PM Sent...

[308]

I was married 30-years and 3-months. People always think it a shame that we got divorced, but I can say with confidence that it was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

It was tough at first, but after I got back up and remembered who I am, I kinda wish we'd done a long time ago. Only problem would be that if it happened sooner I'd never have met the stunning 40-year old nurse that is cooking me dinner right now. :)

Things always seem to work out if ya don't fight it too much.

[O.S.O.K.]

Well said BTC.

I'm afraid I'm not of much help - I've been married for 28 years. We've never been close to divorce but we have been pissed at each other and fought...

I'll just say push the counciling - tell her you want to do it because you love her and want to try it...? It's worth a try - can't hurt...

[swampdragon]

I agree with the counseling thing.
My wife and I went to counseling once.
When it was over, we left together laughing at what a fucking retard the counselor was.
That brought us closer again.

[Dr_Scholl]

I've been divorced once. I refused to go to counseling then. When my second marriage was on the verge of divorce, we did counseling for 8 months, and then I got deployed to the middle east for a year with only 2 weeks notice back in '03. I'm still married to that wonderful woman who stuck with me through two deployments.

You see, I wanted the 2nd marriage to survive, so I went to counseling. If one of the partners won't go, it could be they just are scared or creeped out by it, or don't believe in it for some reason. But... it could also be they don't WANT to salvage the marriage.

I hope everything works out for both of you. If it's divorce, I hope it's amiable and fair to both of you.

Don't let your emotions get the better of you and do something stupid!

Good luck D-Dog.

PM Sent...

Damn, i've been thinking about joining the Army, but after all of these horror stories of what it's done to peoples families I don't know.

[Charliebravo]

Mrs. 'Bravo and I were just days away from calling the divorce lawyers back in 2007.

Not sure if you're a man of faith, but, if so, there's a book called Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans that literally saved our marriage. We were both coming up short in certain areas of the relationship. Every time one of us came up short, the other would, often subconsciously, retaliate by denying the other their basic desires in the relationship. I was at the point that I would rather be at work than at home, so I just worked late. She was fine with that. She didn't want me at home anyway.

When I read the book I was amazed. I thought the guy had spy cameras in my house because he was describing my marriage to a "T". Actually, it was his own marriage that he was describing before he and his wife figured things out. Now they're the marriage gurus and have written books, hold conferences that are always packed, and have their own TV show. The book's about 15 bucks, so it's not much of a gamble really. Having attended one of their conferences, we were confronted with the fact that half of all marriages end in divorce. That's a pretty well-known fact. What we were unaware of is that 86% of SECOND marriages end in divorce! What happens is that people always think that the grass will be greener, but it rarely is. They take the same problems and issues into the second marriage, but, walking out the second time is som much easier once you've already done it before.

No matter how bad our problems were, I always knew that they could be fixed so long as the line of infidelity was never crossed. Don't know if that line's been crossed in your marriage, but, if not, you have a responsibility to God, your wife, your kids, and yourself to try to save it.

[swampdragon]

Damn, i've been thinking about joining the Army, but after all of these horror stories of what it's done to peoples families I don't know.

Stop it.
Really.
Stop it right there.

Here is the real deal:

If you and your wife are meant to be together, then you're meant to be together.
If you are not, then you are not.
That's it really.

In just only a few minutes actually, it will be 8 November 2010. (my time zone)
This day will be my 20th Wedding Anniversary.
I spent 20 years in the army.
17 of those years, I was married to my wife.
(I was prior service, so wasn't with her the full 20 years of active duty)

Either way however, if a woman truly loves you, your job won't matter.
If your job "does" matter, then she doesn't truly love "you."

[63DH8]

When two people live together, go through the same events together, they grow together. When one leaves the relationship for a length of time for any reason, career or anything else that takes them from the relationship for a length of time, they grow separate. I mean, one person grows with the experiences he or she goes through, and the other grows with the experiences she or he goes through. It's as if you took two hedges or shrubs that were taken care of by the same gardener. They'll look pretty much the same until you give one to another gardener to take care of. When you put them back together, the shrubs will look different from their experiences with the individual gardeners. People are pretty much the same way when they are separated from each other and allowed to have separate experiences. When they are placed together again, they don't look the same to each other. This happens to most military families. Some couples bear with the changes and grow back together. Others decide to take off on their own course. My parents got lucky and grow back together. My ex and I wasn't as fortunate. Ditto Dawg. Adapt and overcome either way.

That said, the Catholic church as an outstanding class/course called "Marriage Encounters". I highly recommend it. I'm glad I didn't go through the course as I've discovered I'm better off without my ex.

[swampdragon]

When two people live together, go through the same events together, they grow together. When one leaves the relationship for a length of time for any reason, career or anything else that takes them from the relationship for a length of time, they grow separate. I mean, one person grows with the experiences he or she goes through, and the other grows with the experiences she or he goes through. It's as if you took two hedges or shrubs that were taken care of by the same gardener. They'll look pretty much the same until you give one to another gardener to take care of. When you put them back together, the shrubs will look different from their experiences with the individual gardeners. People are pretty much the same way when they are separated from each other and allowed to have separate experiences. When they are placed together again, they don't look the same to each other. This happens to most military families. Some couples bear with the changes and grow back together. Others decide to take off on their own course. My parents got lucky and grow back together. My ex and I wasn't as fortunate. Ditto Dawg. Adapt and overcome either way.

That said, the Catholic church as an outstanding class/course called "Marriage Encounters". I highly recommend it. I'm glad I didn't go through the course as I've discovered I'm better off without my ex.

My wife and I also grew apart in some ways.
So I agree.
She became who she is.
I became who I am.
However, instead of looking at the differences in the negative.
We instead embraced the fact that we both had new and exciting things to learn about each other instead.

Many couples relationships die from routine and boredom.
If you already know all there is to know about the other person, it can get dull.
We found the whole thing an adventure instead.
Look for new "positive" things we never knew about each other before.
Your mental approach makes a world of difference.

[63DH8]

My wife and I also grew apart in some ways.
So I agree.
She became who she is.
I became who I am.
However, instead of looking at the differences in the negative.
We instead embraced the fact that we both had new and exciting things to learn about each other instead.

Many couples relationships die from routine and boredom.
If you already know all there is to know about the other person, it can get dull.
We found the whole thing an adventure instead.
Look for new "positive" things we never knew about each other before.
Your mental approach makes a world of difference.

It takes both to want to. If only one wanted to, it's going to fail. My ex didn't want to continue our relationship. My parents, like you and your wife, got to know each other again, and learned each other all over. :thumbsup:

[swampdragon]

It takes both to want to. If only one wanted to, it's going to fail. My ex didn't want to continue our relationship. My parents, like you and your wife, got to know each other again, and learned each other all over. :thumbsup:

Then sad to say, you and your wife just weren't meant to be I guess.
Your parents...yep! Awesome.
You're right...it does always take two.
But that's how it should be.
Why would you even want to bother if both weren't committed to it?
Ah....never mind.
You know more than I do about it.

[63DH8]

Then sad to say, you and your wife just weren't meant to be I guess.
Your parents...yep! Awesome.
You're right...it does always take two.
But that's how it should be.
Why would you even want to bother if both weren't committed to it?
Ah....never mind.
You know more than I do about it.

That's why I didn't try to fight to keep her. Later, I discovered she was already in another relationship when she told me she wanted out. After she left, I discovered the financial mess she had us in. It was for the best she left. My girls and I are much better off without her. If she was still around, my younger daughter would never have went to school in Japan, and that would have resulted in her not pursuing her goal to get a degree in Japanese language and culture. Also, if my ex was still around, my older daughter wouldn't have had the money to invest. Because I had the extra grand to loan her when she turned 18, she now has around six hundred grand at the age of 24. She makes too much for disability assistance from the Government, and she's damned proud of the fact. Speaking of which, I paid off my 2004 F-250 4x4 crewcab diesel earlier this month (I bought it in 2008). I wouldn't be able to afford to do that if the ex was still around. Like you said, things worked out the way it did for a reason. :thumbsup:

[swampdragon]

That's why I didn't try to fight to keep her. Later, I discovered she was already in another relationship when she told me she wanted out. After she left, I discovered the financial mess she had us in. It was for the best she left. My girls and I are much better off without her. If she was still around, my younger daughter would never have went to school in Japan, and that would have resulted in her not pursuing her goal to get a degree in Japanese language and culture. Also, if my ex was still around, my older daughter wouldn't have had the money to invest. Because I had the extra grand to loan her when she turned 18, she now has around six hundred grand at the age of 24. She makes too much for disability assistance from the Government, and she's damned proud of the fact. Speaking of which, I paid off my 2004 F-250 4x4 crewcab diesel earlier this month (I bought it in 2008). I wouldn't be able to afford to do that if the ex was still around. Like you said, things worked out the way it did for a reason. :thumbsup:

Have I mentioned how awesome your daughter is?
I'll bet you must be just as proud as you can be.
How's the possible house design search going?
Find anything you both like yet?

[63DH8]

Have I mentioned how awesome your daughter is?
I'll bet you must be just as proud as you can be.
How's the possible house design search going?
Find anything you both like yet?


I think what I'm going to do is go to the local trade college and offer a grand towards a student's education if that student can come up with a house design for my daughter.

[swampdragon]

I think what I'm going to do is go to the local trade college and offer a grand towards a student's education if that student can come up with a house design for my daughter.

A grand!
Hell man, I'll do it for $500 and a 12-pack...lol
Just kidding.

You should make it like a contest or something.
Let ALL the students try.
You'll have more to choose from that way.

Have them refer to this page and others like it for guidelines and ideas.

http://www.ada.gov/

[crapshoot]

gettin a divorce...... Well fuk.

WTF bro? Marriage is all about being fucking miserable. For both of you.

[jjeez]

Marriage is hard work...There are are exceptions but I honestly think most of the time it ends in divorce it is because people do not want to REALLY work and be selfless.
I hope you guys can work it out.

[63DH8]

Marriage is hard work...There are are exceptions but I honestly think most of the time it ends in divorce it is because people do not want to REALLY work and be selfless.
I hope you guys can work it out.


Whenever I hear one of my friends or my daughters friends say they're getting married, I tell them, "before you get married, do everything you want as a single person. Get everything you want as a single person because when you get married, you are supposed to put your spouse first, and you're supposed to think of your spouse before self. After you're married, it's too late to be placing yourself and your pleasures first. Because your spouse is placing you before his or herself, you shouldn't have to worry about self.

After you're married, do everything you can as a couple before you have kids. Buy things for the house, buy things for each other, because when you have kids, you're supposed to put the kids first. Spouse comes after the kids, and self remains after the spouse. After the kids leave the nest, you can go back to putting the spouse first."

[slamfire51]

My thoughts are and always have been, don't stay together for the children. Especially if things between you and the wife have gone to the bitter feeling stage. Your kids can pick up on these events around the house and become depressed and resentful.

Kids are resilient, and can adapt to changing surroundings. Who ever gets custody must never demean the other parent, no matter how bad things get. The kids have grown to this point, loving and respecting both of you. Keep it that way if a divorce does occur.

If things can't be worked out, get a divorce for both of your sake. Move on and be happy because life is too short.

[jjeez]

Whenever I hear one of my friends or my daughters friends say they're getting married, I tell them, "before you get married, do everything you want as a single person. Get everything you want as a single person because when you get married, you are supposed to put your spouse first, and you're supposed to think of your spouse before self. After you're married, it's too late to be placing yourself and your pleasures first. Because your spouse is placing you before his or herself, you shouldn't have to worry about self.

After you're married, do everything you can as a couple before you have kids. Buy things for the house, buy things for each other, because when you have kids, you're supposed to put the kids first. Spouse comes after the kids, and self remains after the spouse. After the kids leave the nest, you can go back to putting the spouse first."Good points!

[ubersoldate]

Sorry to hear it DD. Might be a good thing, I dont know. I hate to give advice on such personal matters as there is so many different little aspects that no one knows about.

In the end, I just wish the best for both of you.

[Charliebravo]

After you're married, do everything you can as a couple before you have kids. Buy things for the house, buy things for each other, because when you have kids, you're supposed to put the kids first. Spouse comes after the kids, and self remains after the spouse.Incorrect, sir. Spouse comes before kids. Any woman that tells you that nothing is more important than her kids and that she puts them first has a miserable husband. Sure, the kids have a way of sometimes monopolizing your time, but if a marriage is centered around kids first instead of God and each other, it is destined to fail.

[El Duce]

I agree with the counseling thing.
My wife and I went to counseling once.
When it was over, we left together laughing at what a fucking retard the counselor was.
That brought us closer again.


We did that too. The sesions were in a group. We realized that our "problems" weren't near as bad as some others!

[AKTexas]

Sorry to read of another marriage failing.

My ex and I are better friends now than we were the last 5 years of our marriage.Best wishes to both of you.

I moved to another city 3 years ago because of the problems,after 9 months we both new it was best to part ways.

[blacksheep]

gettin a divorce...... Well fuk.

Are congratulations in order ?

[L1A1Rocker]

The big "D". Sorry to hear about that. Good luck.

[deth502]

it is just not your year.

sorry to hear it. hopefully, things will all work out for the best, one way or another.

[abpt1]

Damn that fucking sucks !

I am sorry to hear that. Just try the counseling its worth a try trust me. I did it for the kids and it worked... Look I am glad I did it no matter what was going on with us i felt it was worth a try for the kids, any one that says kids dont come first is well not a good parent IMHO . IDK about all of you but my kids are the best thing in my life the best three people I know and the only unconditional love you or I will ever know ....I feel sorry for people that don't know how that feels ,


I hope everything works out for the best .

Gene

[chiak47]

Damn Dawg...
Child support is a motherfucker so this phrase is in order...

Sometimes it's cheaper to keep her.

Good luck.

[l921428x]

I hope it works out. Whatever happens.

[Schuetzenman]

nah, aint tried the counseling... she dont want to do that.

A woman that wouldn't want to go to a counciler is probably cheating and that's why you can't do anything right.

[DesertDawg]

Thanks for all the advise guys, its well appreciated.

[samiam]

divorce |diˈvôrs|
verb [ trans. ]
the fucking you get for the fucking you got

[Cypher]

Incorrect, sir. Spouse comes before kids. Any woman that tells you that nothing is more important than her kids and that she puts them first has a miserable husband. Sure, the kids have a way of sometimes monopolizing your time, but if a marriage is centered around kids first instead of God and each other, it is destined to fail.

That's true for th emost part, you (plan on at least) live with your wife until death, your kids move out and start their own life, they are still your kids of course but things change, it's not the same as when you are waising them in your home, the point is if you let your relationship with your wife slide then what are you going to do when the kids grow up and move on with their life and your stuck together.

I can see the point of putting your kids first like, Jr. needs shoes but the wife wants a new purse, buy Jr. shoes, you have one can of food left give your kids some food ect.

I've seen it happen time and time again, parents distance themselves and put their marriage on the back burner, and bascially become room mates and then their marriage falls apart when the kids get older.

[Charliebravo]

I've seen it happen time and time again, parents distance themselves and put their marriage on the back burner, and bascially become room mates and then their marriage falls apart when the kids get older.That's exactly where we were, but it was falling apart before the kids ever grew up. Fortunately, we got that problem rectified before it was too late.