A sad thing happened at the bank last saturday

[studmuffin]

It was early saturday AM. The previous night I had been to a kegger and had probably eaten a whole bag of tostitos, tons of velveta/rotella, bucket load of frito's bean dip and pickles.

At any rate I woke up early and raced to the bank because I needed some cash, and decided to go inside because of the line at the ATM.

Well...heh...there are these two kids playing in/with the revolving doors. Their mom sees me coming so she motions them and they get out. Well, I hit the revolving door and the second it seals around me my stomach has a flashback and my asshole being what it is unleashes the fury of three-quarter digested bean dip, chips, fake cheese, beer, and rotten tomatoes upon the world.

As soon I clear the door these kids instantly dart in. They get it about half revolved when it hits them. I hear a muffled "OMG it BURRRRNSSS", and they both try to go the opposite direction and slam into the glass at the same time. They both get up and recover from their respective impacts and the little brother throws up on the big brothers shoes. Well, this causes the big brother to throw up on the little brother who was bent over. Completely painting him.

I couldn't tell the teller what I needed for 5 minutes. I was so hungover while laughing at the kids sad fate. Everything had that bright soft edged glow, the whole thing was like a cartoon to me.
:th911:

[El Duce]

That's awome! The other day at work, I was in the walk in getting some prep out. It was early, and I had a few cups of coffee in me. So, my stomach was doind a bit of churning. Well, I let one rip, it stank like hell.

No sooner after I farted. One of the pantry ladies walks in right behind me, and bends over to pick up a box of oranges. So, she put her face right into the cloud. I heard her say "oh my gosh!"

I pointed to Jason, and exclaimed. How could you do that in here?

Later Jason, told me that he couldn 't believe that I pinned that on him. Well, what are co-workers for?

[studmuffin]

Kool lets get a fart thread started.

My turn.

When I was 11, my mother, my younger brother, and I went into a local radio shack to look for something. To this day I don’t remember what it was for and we did not stay long for reasons I am about to explain. As we came in the store, two electricians, I guess, who obviously had a liquid lunch were lurching out having failed to find what they were looking for. As the first one passed us, the second said wait a minute. That was the first warning sign. He then stopped and obviously pressed his ass cheeks together and "deliberately" let out a thunderous foul smelling fart in front of the store clerk and a young mother with children. The farting fool thought that it was sooo funny staring at the store clerk. His friend looked back in disgust and said "I don’t know you" turned his back and walked out the door. Everyone in the store was disgusted and horrified with one exception:

Me of course, I was laughing my ass off and got dirty looks from both my mother and brother for doing so. To this day I still chuckle about it, but do not dare mention it.

[Flinter]

It was early saturday AM. The previous night I had been to a kegger and had probably eaten a whole bag of tostitos, tons of velveta/rotella, bucket load of frito's bean dip and pickles.

At any rate I woke up early and raced to the bank because I needed some cash, and decided to go inside because of the line at the ATM.

Well...heh...there are these two kids playing in/with the revolving doors. Their mom sees me coming so she motions them and they get out. Well, I hit the revolving door and the second it seals around me my stomach has a flashback and my asshole being what it is unleashes the fury of three-quarter digested bean dip, chips, fake cheese, beer, and rotten tomatoes upon the world.

As soon I clear the door these kids instantly dart in. They get it about half revolved when it hits them. I hear a muffled "OMG it BURRRRNSSS", and they both try to go the opposite direction and slam into the glass at the same time. They both get up and recover from their respective impacts and the little brother throws up on the big brothers shoes. Well, this causes the big brother to throw up on the little brother who was bent over. Completely painting him.

I couldn't tell the teller what I needed for 5 minutes. I was so hungover while laughing at the kids sad fate. Everything had that bright soft edged glow, the whole thing was like a cartoon to me.
:th911:

LMAO....Lord Almighty, I really WANT that to be a true story!

[Solidus-snake]

Bwahaha this thread pwns.

[AKTexas]

A few years ago my ex and i were Christmas shopping for the kids at Toys R us.I was looking for those Tonka dumptrucks for my son.I found them but this obnoxious women was standing right in front of where they were stored preventing me from my quest.

I stood as close as I dared to her pretending to look at something else and let go a silent fart.The kind that steams as it leaves your body.It did not take long for the smell to reach her nose.

She looked at me and I just smiled back with an evil grin!:firedevil:

[alismith]

It was early saturday AM. The previous night I had been to a kegger and had probably eaten a whole bag of tostitos, tons of velveta/rotella, bucket load of frito's bean dip and pickles.

At any rate I woke up early and raced to the bank because I needed some cash, and decided to go inside because of the line at the ATM.

Well...heh...there are these two kids playing in/with the revolving doors. Their mom sees me coming so she motions them and they get out. Well, I hit the revolving door and the second it seals around me my stomach has a flashback and my asshole being what it is unleashes the fury of three-quarter digested bean dip, chips, fake cheese, beer, and rotten tomatoes upon the world.

As soon I clear the door these kids instantly dart in. They get it about half revolved when it hits them. I hear a muffled "OMG it BURRRRNSSS", and they both try to go the opposite direction and slam into the glass at the same time. They both get up and recover from their respective impacts and the little brother throws up on the big brothers shoes. Well, this causes the big brother to throw up on the little brother who was bent over. Completely painting him.

I couldn't tell the teller what I needed for 5 minutes. I was so hungover while laughing at the kids sad fate. Everything had that bright soft edged glow, the whole thing was like a cartoon to me.
:th911:

:laughingtohard: Priceless!

[skatedcshoes]

haha the bank story is hilarious.

[mriddick]

I don't want to be you when karma pays back :)

[aliceinchains]

Bottle the fragrance next time and send Zero a sample.:smiley31:

[El Duce]

Back in 1990, I was cruising around on my new motorcycle. All of a sudden, it hit me. I had to sh*t, and sh*t right then! I just happened to be in the neighborhood of my friend Brett. Well, I rush to his house. Luckily he was home. I parked my bike (90 BMW K75S) rang the doorbell. He was home. I ran to the bathroom.

No sooner had I flushed, put my leathers back on. The paint started to peel off of the walls. I opened the door, and the whole house reeked.

As fate would have it. It was a Friday afternoon. Two minutes later, the front door opens up. Who is it? It is his HOT sister that I had been after all the way through high school. She came home from college with three of her equally hot friends.

There I am trying to be all cool and all that. They got about ten feet into the house and their faces got all white. His sister says..."Oh My GOD!! What the HELL IS that SMELL???"

Brett just cracked a little smile and said. "Paul just took a Shit."

I think that I just said. C-Ya, and walked out the door. Hopped on my bike. Never saw her again. Later on, I was like, Brett, I can't believe that you sold me out like that. He responded. Well, my parents were gone for the weekend. The girls were staying here. You had a chance with my sister. And I had three to choose from!

Some loyalty!!

On a sad note. Brett overdosed on heroin during his last semester at CU Boulder.

[Schuetzenman]

Studmuffin, damn I hope that is a true story cause it is priceless. Hardest I've laughed in quite a while!

[Cypher]

That's frikin hilarious.

:fart:
:clap:

[coppertales]

Da MAN............................................... ...................................chris3

[old Grump]

Things you learn from teenagers.

What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

Definition of a fart:
Turd honking for the right of way.

[studmuffin]

Soooooo........anybody else with any fart stories?

[shorthair]

Yea my son would go over and sit next to the wife and let rip. I had to act fatherly and not laugh.

[studmuffin]

My dad used to rip a couple and blame it on the little elephant that ran under the coffee table.