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View Full Version : RED NECK SURVIVALIST, supposed to be funny but I resemble some of this.



old Grump
04-02-2011, 08:37 PM
Your new girlfriend comes over for the first time, and when she walks into the living room, the first thing she sees is your CHL regulation Man sized target with 50 holes in the chest area.


If you shout "Wolverines!" before going to the shooting range...you might be a survivalist!


The window shutters have firing ports included in their design.


You’re the first person at the gun range on Dec 26th to try out your new toys, and the clerk knows you by your first name.


Every fence post on your property is on a range card.



You were excited when you found out that there was such a thing as cheese in a can...and still are.


You're relieved when you find six more bottles of your favorite marinade in your storage supplies 'cause the other six you already knew you had were nowhere NEAR enough.


You know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don’t know how long you’ve had that open jar of mayo in the fridge.


You have #10 cans of ‘stuff’ that the labels fell off of, but you won’t throw it out or open it because it, ‘may be needed later’, even though you haven’t a clue as to the contents.


You use your Gerber Tool to cut your steak at a fine dining establishment.
If you cut your own hair with the KBar survival knife from your bugout bag...you might be a survivalist!

If you use empty .45acp cartridges as a thimble...you might be a survivalist!



None of your vehicles have electronic ignition or pollution control.


You know the tail numbers of all the helicopters in your area.


Your scanner includes the frequencies of every law enforcement agency within 100 miles, including the ones that don’t officially exist.


You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.


You need a shovel to rotate your survival supplies.


Your best family recipe is illegal.

AKTexas
04-02-2011, 08:44 PM
Some of those do fit.

O.S.O.K.
04-02-2011, 09:21 PM
Dam straight! :D

old Grump
04-02-2011, 10:46 PM
Going along with the Redneck theme but still a lot of truth, at least I am in more than one of these categories.


Your dog has more Emergency Rations than 95% of the U.S. population.

You have to kill a snake in your front yard, but then you skin and eat it.

You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as potential emergency rations.

You have space set aside in the fallout shelter for your chickens, rabbits, and miniature goats.

You have a ‘Volcano’, you know you can cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor’s annoying, yappy poodle, muttering, “Your day will come, hotdog”.

Your koi pond is stocked with tasty catfish.

You view the nearest wildlife conservation area as a potential grocery store, for after SHTF.

You've numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of consumption.

You no longer go the the doctor’s because you can either fix it yourself, make it at home, or know and understand the Physician’s Desk Reference better than he does.

You buy your antibiotics for human use through a vet, or grains for human consumption through a feed store.and can get them for less money

You know which bugs are edible.

When you hear animal calls on nature shows, it sounds to you like they’re saying “Eat Me!”, “Eat Me!”.

JTHunter
04-02-2011, 11:19 PM
You might be a survivalist if:
you can imitate game animals without using your hands or "manufactured" implements.:frech11: :eyebrows: :laugh:

btcave
04-02-2011, 11:57 PM
You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.

This has actually been considered...

old Grump
04-03-2011, 01:05 AM
This has actually been considered...In fact it is being seriously considered by some, not that I would know anything about that because it is a deep dark secret. You can't have a secret tunnel if everybody knows about it.

old Grump
04-10-2011, 08:57 PM
More Redneck survivalist stuff:

You might be a redneck survivalist if:


Your BOB is a plastic sack from Wally's Sports World

Your food stockpile is a pallet of Slim Jims

Your FAK is a roll of duct tape


Your kids ever ask, "Mom, what brand of MRE's are we having for dinner tonight?"

You have a plan to take your chickens with you if the SHTF.


You have a cookbook all about Spam.


You consider your extra large ham radio antenna as “broadband”.


You know how to cook leather.


You’ve ever been on a Soviet “Potential Threat” list.


SWAT has ever asked to borrow a few of your guns.


The first thing on your bug out list is a case of Bud Lite

Your bomb shelter is the old refrigerator on your front porch

You don't carry a gas can in your pickup truck, just a 5' length of garden hose

AKTexas
04-10-2011, 10:05 PM
You have a cookbook all about Spam.


DAMN! I own one.

old Grump
04-10-2011, 10:19 PM
Only one?

AKTexas
04-10-2011, 10:20 PM
Only one?

Well it was my gift from my sister but my ex has it, so really I don't own one.

old Grump
04-10-2011, 10:28 PM
Want me to send you one? I have spares.

AKTexas
04-10-2011, 10:29 PM
Want me to send you one? I have spares.

HAHA! too funny.

old Grump
04-10-2011, 10:44 PM
BBQ Spamkabob


Ingredients



12 wooden skewers, soaked in water 10 minutes
1 (12-ounce) can SPAM, cut into 36 cubes
1 (30-ounce) can pineapple chunks, drained
1/3 cup barbecue sauce

Directions



Prepare grill for high heat or heat broiler.
Alternately thread SPAM cubes and pineapple onto skewers. Grill or broil, turning often, 5 minutes or until lightly browned and warmed through.
Brush kabobs with barbecue sauce just before serving.

Notes



Kabobs can also be browned in skillet instead of over hot coals.





Ingredients



12 wooden skewers, soaked in water 10 minutes
1 (12-ounce) can SPAM, cut into 36 cubes
1 (30-ounce) can pineapple chunks, drained
1/3 cup barbecue sauce

Directions



Prepare grill for high heat or heat broiler.
Alternately thread SPAM cubes and pineapple onto skewers. Grill or broil, turning often, 5 minutes or until lightly browned and warmed through.
Brush kabobs with barbecue sauce just before serving.



Just for you.

Dr. Gonzo GED
04-11-2011, 12:06 AM
Spam sushi baby. Mad with all dry, bottled or canned goods, rice, spam, seaweed, teriyaki.

Make a roll. Boom.

Mark Ducati
04-12-2011, 06:59 PM
Those "you might be a redneck" or "you might be a gun nut" IF type lists are fun and I aspire to resemble all of them...

But, this actual list by the OP... Wow! Utterly Wow, I'm apparently not alone and actually can check off about half of them!

old Grump
04-12-2011, 08:32 PM
Me too Mark, that's what makes it so funny. It was supposed to be making fun of us but then I look at the lists and other than some like the Wally Sports world bug out bag and the refrigerator on the front porch being your bomb shelter, a lot of them don't seem so outrageous.