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Thread: Holiday Eating Guide

  1. #1
    Guns Network Lifetime Membership 01/2011 old Grump's Avatar

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    Holiday Eating Guide

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by:
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

    Merry Ho Ho… Have a great Christmas and a happy new year.

    Roman Catholic, Life Member of American Legion, VFW, Wisconsin Libertarian party, Wi-FORCE, WGO, NRA, JPFO, GOA, SAF and CCRKBA


    "THE STATE THAT SEPARATES ITS SCHOLARS FROM IT WARRIORS WILL HAVE ITS THINKING DONE BY COWARDS AND ITS FIGHTING DONE BY FOOLS"

    THUCYDIDES.



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    Team GunsNet Silver 12/2012 Warthogg's Avatar

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    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
    I'm convinced no one in history has ever eaten a fruit cake. Fruit cakes are just re-boxed and sent on to the next victim.


    Wart

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    Team GunsNet Silver 12/2011 N/A's Avatar

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    I try to get one every year.

    Collin Street Bakery Delux Fruitcake
    https://www.collinstreet.com/pages/o...luxe_fruitcake

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    Senior Member Cypher's Avatar

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    I love Egg Nog this time of year. There are a lot of dishes the family makes I only get to partake of a few times a year and they be great.

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    Administrator Krupski's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warthogg View Post
    I'm convinced no one in history has ever eaten a fruit cake. Fruit cakes are just re-boxed and sent on to the next victim.


    Wart
    I truly believe that a fruitcake can stop a .50BMG round.

    (and now I'm LOL at myself in my office with nobody else in here picturing US soldiers with fruitcakes stuffed in their body armor instead of SAPI plates!)
    Gentlemen may prefer Blondes, but Real Men prefer Redheads!

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    Senior Member Cypher's Avatar

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    What about, Friend Ship bread, I think that's what it's called. One person takes it and add a few ingredients and then you igve it to someone else and the dough keeps getting passed around and each person takes a chunk of it to make bread or some such nonsense. My sister said it is really good but I don't like the idea of dough getting passed around for several days before you cook it.


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    Senior Member Dr. Gonzo GED's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypher View Post
    What about, Friend Ship bread, I think that's what it's called. One person takes it and add a few ingredients and then you igve it to someone else and the dough keeps getting passed around and each person takes a chunk of it to make bread or some such nonsense. My sister said it is really good but I don't like the idea of dough getting passed around for several days before you cook it.

    "Delectable corpse" is a geat technique for art, but kind of scares me as a method for cooking.

  8. #8
    Senior Member raxar's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warthogg View Post
    I'm convinced no one in history has ever eaten a fruit cake. Fruit cakes are just re-boxed and sent on to the next victim.


    Wart

    Historically fruit cake was soaked in rum, hence why it used to be popular.

    BTW I think I'm going to buy one at walmart tonight, as I've felt compelled to try it the last few years.

  9. #9
    Senior Member binky59's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by raxar View Post
    Historically fruit cake was soaked in rum, hence why it used to be popular.

    BTW I think I'm going to buy one at walmart tonight, as I've felt compelled to try it the last few years.
    Ah you might want to post in the "Fruitcake Wanted" thread. I have to call bullshit on that gummy, stick to your
    teeth pieces of stuff they call Fruit! And why would they do that to a good piece of fruit in the first place? Now
    Datenut bread with a good coating of cream cheese....Yummy!
    Just me and my monkey....

  10. #10
    Guns Network Lifetime Membership 01/2011 old Grump's Avatar

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    Spiced Dark Fruitcake With Brandy

    Ingredients:


    • 8 ounces diced candied orange peel
    • 8 ounces diced citron
    • 8 ounces diced pineapple
    • 8 ounces diced fruitcake mixed fruit
    • 4 ounces whole red candied cherries
    • 4 ounces whole green candied cherries
    • 1 cup currants
    • 1 cup golden or dark raisins
    • 1 cup chopped dates
    • 1/2 cup orange juice
    • 1/2 cup brandy or good bourbon
    • 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    • 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
    • 2 teaspoons ground nutmeg
    • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground mace
    • 1 teaspoon baking powder
    • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    • 1 cup plus 6 tablespoons butter, room temperature
    • 2 cups brown sugar, firmly packed
    • 5 eggs, separated
    • 1/2 cup molasses

    Preparation:
    This batter is quite heavy, but a heavy-duty stand mixer can handle it.
    Mix the fruit in a large bowl with the orange juice and brandy. Stir gently and set aside to marinate for a few hours.

    Generously butter bottom and sides of two 9 x 5 x 3-inch loaf pans and line them with parchment paper. Butter the paper thoroughly. You can use brown paper for this if you don't have parchment paper.

    Sift the flour with the spices twice. Add the baking powder and salt and sift again.
    Put the butter into a large mixing bowl and cream until smooth. Add sugar; using an electric mixer, cream until light and fluffy. Beat the egg yolks slightly and then add them to the bowl. Mix the batter well before you start to add the flour and spice mixture. Stir the batter as you add the flour, a little at a time, stirring well after each addition. When the flour is thoroughly incorporated, add the molasses and stir. Finally, stir in the fruit, along with any soaking liquid left in the bowl.

    Put the egg whites in a stainless steel or glass bowl and beat with a clean beater to stiff peaks. Fold them into the batter thoroughly and then spoon the batter into the prepared pans. Cover loosely with a clean cloth and let the batter sit overnight in a cool place to mellow.

    On the next day, heat the oven to 250°. Place the fruitcake on the middle rack of the oven and bake for 3 1/2 to 4 hours. After 1 1/2 hours, cover the pan with a piece of brown paper (do not use foil) or set the pan in a paper bag and return it to the oven.
    When the cake has baked for 3 1/2 hours, test the with a toothpick or cake tester. If the tester comes out of the center of the cake clean, the cake is done. Leave the cake in the pan and set on wire rack to cool.

    When the cakes are completely cooled, turn out of the pans, leaving the paper lining on the cake. Wrap the cake with parchment, then foil, and pack the cake in a tin. Homemade fruitcakes need air, so punch a few holes in the lid of the tin or set the cover loosely on the tin.

    Set the tin in a cool, undisturbed place, and every 3 or 4 days before Christmas, open the foil and drizzle a small amount of bourbon or brandy over the cake. The liquor will keep the cake most and flavorful and help preserve it as well.

    http://southernfood.about.com/od/fruitcakerecipes/r/bl51201b.htm
    I never had a problem with most home made cakes, never liked a commercial cake. My problem with some of them was the dough was so thick and super sickening sweet but mostly I just didn't like the candied fruits. Grandma used dried fruits and it was a whole world of difference but I don't have her recipe. This one should do, this site has a lot of recipes I like. I haven't tried this one but I am seriously thinking about it.The only thing I would do different from the recipe is do like my Grandma did and just use dried fruit pieces.

    Roman Catholic, Life Member of American Legion, VFW, Wisconsin Libertarian party, Wi-FORCE, WGO, NRA, JPFO, GOA, SAF and CCRKBA


    "THE STATE THAT SEPARATES ITS SCHOLARS FROM IT WARRIORS WILL HAVE ITS THINKING DONE BY COWARDS AND ITS FIGHTING DONE BY FOOLS"

    THUCYDIDES.



  11. #11
    Gunsnet Contributor 02/14

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    Quote Originally Posted by N/A View Post
    I try to get one every year.

    Collin Street Bakery Delux Fruitcake
    https://www.collinstreet.com/pages/o...luxe_fruitcake
    These fruitcakes are the best on the planet, hands down......................chris3

  12. #12
    Gunsnet Contributor 02/14

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    Excellent advice.........

    Kroger, believe it or not, makes excellent eggnog...............Collins Street Bakery makes excellent fruitcake. I like the pineapple and pecan the best followed by the traditional. There are no Beer Nuts here in Texas except the couple cans in my pantry I bought when I was in the UP last Oct.....Lots of deer nuts though....

    I really like that motto........chris3

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