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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #161
    Guns Network Contributor 04/2013 El Laton Caliente's Avatar

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    What inspires me to get up in the morning?

    My bladder...
    We found out what "dealing" with progressive lefties is all about. Our side gives up something, they give up nothing and the progressives come back in a month or a year and want us to give up more... rinse and repeat...

  2. #162
    Senior Member

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    Napoleon was on the battle field.
    He got off his horse and accidentally stepped on a land mine and was killed.

    This is how he became Napoleon Blowapart.

  3. #163
    Senior Member JTHunter's Avatar

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    Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

    A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

    Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality comes from morons?

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    “I have little patience with people who take the Bill of Rights for granted. The Bill of Rights, contained in the first ten amendments to the Constitution, is every American’s guarantee of freedom.” - - President Harry S. Truman, “Years of Trial and Hope”

  4. #164
    Administrator Krupski's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrkalashnikov View Post
    Looks like maybe I shoulda put this up in the RH from the replies, lol.

    Okay, here's a nice clean ethnic joke:

    A Polish guy walks into a hardware store and tells the guy at the counter he needs something to cut down trees with, his old axe is getting dull and he simply has too many trees on his property to clear. The hardware employee proceeds to show him a nice shiny brand-new chainsaw. Polish guy is impressed, so he buys it & leaves.

    A couple of days later he walks back into the store with the chainsaw, all dirty & sweaty; and says "There must be something wrong with this saw. It seems to be taking as long to cut down my trees with it as it did my old axe." The hardware guy looks it over: checks the sparkplug, gas in the tank, chain, etc.. & tells the Polish dude there's nothing wrong, and that he should go back and try again. Sometimes they take a little getting used to, and the Polish guy leaves.

    Next day Polish Guy is back at the store, and now he's pissed. He utters some swear words in Polski and proceeds to tell the employee the chainsaw still doesn't work, and that it is actually is harder to cut trees now then with his old axe. So the counter guy picks up the chainsaw, looks it over, gives the starter a yank, & it fires right up.

    Polish guy yells "What's that noise?!"


    What's the difference between Russian Roulette and Polish Roulette?

    Polish Roulette is played with a semi-auto pistol.

  5. #165
    Team GunsNet Platinum 02/2015 davepool's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krupski View Post
    What's the difference between Russian Roulette and Polish Roulette?

    Polish Roulette is played with a semi-auto pistol.
    Yea, but they can only load one round in the magazine

  6. #166
    Team Guns Network Silver 04/2015 mrkalashnikov's Avatar

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    Little Johnny asks his teacher: Three women are sitting at a table in an ice cream parlor. Which one is married? The one licking the cone? The one biting the cone? Or the one sucking the cone?

    Teacher: The one sucking the cone?

    Little Johnny: No, the one with the wedding ring! But I like the way you think.
    Nietzsche: From life's school of war: what does not kill me makes me stronger.

  7. #167
    Senior Member JTHunter's Avatar

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    “I have little patience with people who take the Bill of Rights for granted. The Bill of Rights, contained in the first ten amendments to the Constitution, is every American’s guarantee of freedom.” - - President Harry S. Truman, “Years of Trial and Hope”

  8. #168
    Administrator Krupski's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by davepool View Post
    Yea, but they can only load one round in the magazine


    ...if they're in New York...

  9. #169
    Administrator Krupski's Avatar

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    Q: What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

    A: On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish!



    (OMG senility must be setting in. Now I'm repeating my own posts from 3 years ago.......)

  10. #170
    Team Guns Network Silver 04/2013 alismith's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krupski View Post
    Q: What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

    A: On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish!



    (OMG senility must be setting in. Now I'm repeating my own posts from 3 years ago.......)
    That's the first step....
    "Valar morghulis; valar dohaeris."

    "Never say, "gun control" but instead say, "victim disarmament." - L Neil Smith

    Making good people helpless won't make bad people harmless.

    Freedom isn't free.

    "Attitude is the paintbrush that colors our world." TV Series, Haven.

  11. #171
    Senior Member JTHunter's Avatar

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    Dopctor's Visit

    A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”
    The 60-year-old responded, “Did I say he was dead?”
    The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he and is he very active?”
    The 60-year-old responded, “Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer.”
    The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?”
    The 60-year-old responded again, “Did I say he was dead?”
    The doctor was astonished. He said, “You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?”
    The 60-year-old said, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that,” said the patient, “my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again.”
    The doctor said, “At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?”
    His patient looked up at the doctor and said, “Did I say he wanted to?”


    “I have little patience with people who take the Bill of Rights for granted. The Bill of Rights, contained in the first ten amendments to the Constitution, is every American’s guarantee of freedom.” - - President Harry S. Truman, “Years of Trial and Hope”

  12. #172
    Team GunsNet Bronze 10/2014

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    a man goes into his neighborhood bar, orders a whiskey. he downs it and orders another. bartender asks, whats goin' on? aw, that neighbor george! he came over last night with some story. his wife is out of town, offered me two times with his when she gets back, for one time with mine. bartender says, well, whatd'ya do? man says, i ran his ass off. bartender says, too bad, his wife has better pussy than your's.

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