DEFINITELY THE ABSOLUTE WORST POLITICALLY INCORRECT LINES!







We live in Perth, Australia, and the missus decided for the first time to wear a Burka for a week just to see what the reaction would be.

The first morning she was sworn at, punched on the nose, kicked up the arse, and received death threats.

Heaven knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house

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Can you spare just $5.00 ?

Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia.

He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal..

If you send us just $5..00, we will send you the video - it's hilarious.

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I've caught a stray parrot in my garden.

All he says is, "Good morning you ugly prick."

The parrot isn't yours is it?

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I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.

Just had one from the sperm bank.

Boy, did I give her a mouthful.

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Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind.

I'm rather worried now that some of my friends could be black.

If you are, will you delete my e-mail address ?

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There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:

'Trycoxagain'.

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In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point.

The question I got wrong was, 'Where do most women have curly hair?'

Apparently, it's Africa.

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One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in Cells.

It appears that "Aboriginals" and "Blacks" is not the correct answer.

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My girlfriend told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night.

Unfortunately she isn't interested in Snooker & Darts.

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There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in my town, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

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You can justifiably say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.

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A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."

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My new black neighbor popped his head over the fence today and said, “Hey bro, what’s going down?” I said, “The value of my house you prick!”

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What’s the difference between a refugee and ET?

ET looked better, smelled better, learnd English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fucking bike and wanted to go home!

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"My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.

It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

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I was shagging this chic over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” . . .thinking back, I really should have legged it –
but you don’t get offers like that every day.

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Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this guy at a party. In my defence... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

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What’s the difference between a black fella and a park bench?

A park bench can support a family.

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Why are aspirins white? Because they work.

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My wife just came in to me and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going –
‘cuz when you’re coming, you look like a Down's Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”

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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I screwed a chic called Penny – spooky or what?

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The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”

Apparently “Only to stop myself coming too quickly”wasn’t the right answer.

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My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper.
The bitch has no sense of humor.

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10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says. If any of you are Pedophiles, you can fuck off down to HELL Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out.

“And take this deaf bastard with you”.

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In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Answer: Throw in your washing....

We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said. “I don’t find that very funny.

My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits”.

I said. “Sorry buddy. Did he drown”?

“No”. he said. “He choked on a sock”.

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The wife said to me last night. “If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse”.

Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

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My friend reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you.... He is in Prison.

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The wife came out of the bathroom and said. “I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you”?

I said. “Yeah, the bloody drain is blocked again”!

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Nearly shagged a Lady boy last night. Picked him up in a night club.

He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman.

Even kissed like a woman.

But as we arrived back at his apartment, he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement.

That's when I thought. “Fuckin hang on” !!!!

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I saw my friend Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm, poor bastard.

I shouted. “Where you off to Charlie”?

He said. “I'm off to change a light bulb”.

Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing.

I said. “That's gonna be a bit awkward ain't it mate”?

“Not really”, He said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard”.