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Thread: Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Hull Pair in Hospital

  1. #1
    Team GunsNet Gold 03/2014

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    Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Hull Pair in Hospital

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    > I don’t know if it is true or not but it gave me a chuckle anyway.
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    > Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Hull Pair in Hospital
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    > A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session, left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
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    > Vintage film fan and part time 'plus size' model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the Black Ink Tattoo Emporium in Carr Lane last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
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    > “It was a big job in more ways than one.” he told us. “I’d just lit a roll up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It’s very delicate, close-up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in her buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip and then a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a sheet of flame shooting from her arse up to
    > my roll-up and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.”
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    > Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
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    > “To be honest”, said Jason, “I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a big torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe up there and I’d have been none the wiser.”
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    > Jason and Tracey were taken to Hull Royal Infirmary A&E where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
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    > “I’m furious” said Jason, “I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more. I don’t know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more like it. You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.”
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    > But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant;
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    > “I’m still in agony,” she said, “And Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have had a fag on the go, and there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me up on his bench on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that. I give him my five second warning and I’d have done the same for Jason, but I didn’t get chance – it just crept out.”
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    > Ted Walters from the Humberside Fire and Rescue service wasn’t surprised when we told him what had happened.
    > “People just don’t appreciate the dangers.. “ he told us, “We get called out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days, now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’. Anyone engaging in the practice of arse inking, either as tattooist or client, would do well to remember that.”
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  2. #2
    Guns Network Contributor 01/2015 Altarboy's Avatar

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    Wow. That's the good stuff there.

  3. #3
    Forum Administrator Schuetzenman's Avatar

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    I think this is fake news / internet mythos.

  4. #4
    Senior Member whiskeyman's Avatar

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    Too funny.

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