How about a "make a story" game?

[Nobeard]

"Hey - easy!" Dice apologized, "Just a little humor."

Reaching over, he took the ribbon out of Sally's hair. Placing one end between his palms he began rubbing his hands together and it was slowly pulled between them until disappeared. Next, he made two fists and rolled his hands together at the thumbs with knuckles toward Sally.

"So!" he asked,"Which hand is it in?"

Sally blinked, looking at his hands, then checked behind each of her ears.

Dice gave a laugh, "Come on, pick a hand."

Sally considered for a moment, then pointed at one.

"Eh, maybe..." Dice said with a shrug, then chuckled: "You really are a princess, an every princess needs..."
He rolled his fists apart and a sparkly band slid out around his thumbs. "A tiara!"

All the McDougles (and Ferditta) gasped. "Is...is it real? Sally whispered in awe, "Is it mine?"

"You bet!" Dice placed it on her head with a grin. "Take care of it..." then he winked and added with a stage whisper "It's magic!"

"Oh yes sir!" She said solemnly. "Thank you Mr. Dice!" then she spun around "Mommy LOOKIT! A real Magic tiara!!!"

"Those coins?" He nodded to Billy, "Those are magic too. You remember that, okay?"

"Yes sir Mr. Dice - I mean Dice the Magnificent!" he corrected. "I won't spend em, ever!"

Mr. McDougal extended his hand, as the two men shook he said, "That was the most incredible..."

"Ya'll best be getting on the road, there's storm coming." Dice nodded to a line of thunderheads rapidly growing in the southern sky.

"What about your...truck?" Roland cringed as he looked at it.

"No worries folks!" Rodney gave a dismissive wave. "The rest of the caravan is behind us, we'll be okay."

Dice leaned toward McDougal and whispered: "That's a shit-storm brewin'...an we're with Oh Shit."

The red-haired man cocked an eyebrow, then nodded with a grim look, "Any instructions?"

"Stay away from Cooterville..." Dice added "...take highway 23 to Podunk Junction."

"Read you, loud and clear."

Both of them extended and bumped fists, then elbows and each pointed at the other with the classic 'gun finger' before McDougal turned and headed toward the station wagon.

"Come on kids!" he said in a cheerful voice. "Dice the Magnificent is right, we need to get on the road."

"Aw dad!..." They both objected.

"Ah-ah!" Dice cocked his head and wagged his index finger. "Do like yer ol' man says, cause the magic only works for the good kids."

Both the McDougal children nodded and grinned, then scampered toward the waiting car.
"Thank you Dice the Magnificent!!!" they called out as it pulled away.

Everyone waved until the family's car disappeared over the crest of Skidmark Hill, then the other two agents quickly walked over.

"Okay - give us an intel dump!" Rodney cringed as he spoke.

"Is it that fuckin' bad, Dice?" Sam asked with a serious look.

"Wait!" Ferditta demanded:"What in the FUCK just happened!?!"

[weevil]

At that moment a black and red Hellcat rumbled to a stop next to the battered Yukon.

A dark figure in a long black coat wearing black mirrored Oakleys stepped out and strode towards them.

The Amish Commandos fell to the ground too terrified to move.

Diceman spoke up, Hey don't I know you?

The tall dark figure said, Don't worry about it...as he whipped a purple shotgun out from under his coat....I got the right load.

BOOM.....Dice exploded into a million pieces.

Dangerfield then tried to step in his way....son it's me your dear old dad.

BOOM...still not getting any respect pops?

Kinison ran in terror screaming..DON'T KILL ME.....DON'T KILL ME!!!!!

Kyle let the coward run and turned his attention to Otis....well big brother, you always won, you always got the girl.....not this time!

Otis closed his eyes and bowed his head as Kyle raised the purple shotgun to finish it.



What Kyle didn't notice was that Ferd and Ferditta had taken their places on either side of him....their eyes rolled back in their heads exposing only the whites...Ferditta's hair stood straight out and rippled with electricity....Ferd's ears began to flap like a stop sign in a windstorm!

White hot beams of light shot from their eyes and Kyle fell to his knees dropping the purple shotgun as every nerve in his body screamed in pain.

He screamed in agony....ZOROS HELP ME!!!

[Nobeard]

BOOM.....Dice exploded into a million pieces.

From the unique sound of the shotgun's discharge, Agent Diceman instinctively knew what was about to happen. In the fraction of a second before his robot body was shredded, several thoughts crossed his mind.

'...wonder where snappa-head found Triple X Shmuck-Shot?...'

and with a glint of humor:

'...longest I've gone in this entire thread without a FOOKIN' smoke!...'

[weevil]

But Zoros didn't help he watched and chuckled as his latest mass shooter was burned alive.

My plan worked....I have identified the real threat to me.

Now to send in the Witch.

[weevil]

Don't be mad Otis I had to do something honey, he was gonna hurt you real bad, Ferditta pleaded.

I'm not mad at you Ferditta...I love you more than anything...you saved my life again.

But I am worried that now Zoros will know your power.

Otis walked over to his father's body tears streaming down his face....he called to the Commandos...help me bury him.

[weevil]

After they finished burying Rodney and Carl had said some words over his grave they gathered up their gear.

Otis said I'll take Ferd and Ferditta in the Hellcat and you follow in the Yukon.

But Otis vee can't drive.....we're Amish.

[weevil]

Otis contemplated the situation as he walked over to the scorched earth that had been his brother.

I'm truly sorry I couldn't help you little brother he said as he picked up the purple shotgun.

He then walked over and handed it to Ferd and said...I believe this belongs to you....use it wisely.

[Nobeard]

Meanwhile, just outside Cooterville at the Gooshmear Sheep Ranch...


"Hiram...Hiram!! Esther Gooshmear called out from the back porch. "Something is wrong with the ewes!"
After waiting several seconds with no reply, the stocky woman cupped both hands at the sides of her mouth and bellowed "Hi-RUUUUM!!!!!"

"Oy!" Hiram exclaimed, twisting strands of wire onto a T post. "This will never be finished if that woman has her say..."
With a shrug, looked over the half-completed fence "and I married her, so this is my fault?..."
Putting the pliers in his back pocket, he headed toward the house then noticed the distance sound of frantic bleating.
Cocking his head to listen, he shrugged again: "Meh, sounds like a problem...so this must also be my fault?" then rolled his eyes

Walking to the back porch, Hiram gave a smile. "What is it, my little Balaboosta?"

Sweeping her hand toward the pasture, "And you are not hearing this racket?!.." she cried out.
Tapping her foot and wagging a finger in his direction, she scolded: "It's been going for the last hour, non-stop! If it's not stopping soon? I'll be driven completely mashoogina!"

"...already there..." He muttered under his breath.

"What was that!?" She scowled.

"I'm already there!" Jabbing his finger toward the source of the noise, Hiram began walking away with quick, measured steps.

"Nebish!" she call after him then stormed back into the house with a loud slam of the screen door.

"Marry a woman from the old country, my parents said!...She'll treat you with the respect you deserve they said!..."
"She'll cook! She'll clean!" Hiram muttered, then spat. "Half cooked mutton chops and burned rugelach that would break teeth...oy!"

Reaching the pasture fence, Hiram stopped short and gasped at the sight.
All the ewes' were rocking back and forth, with bellies so distented that their hooves would not touch the ground.
As he stared, there was a resounding 'tha-whop! and one of them shot straight up. After reaching at least 20 feet, it fell back to earth and landed just outside the fence. Hiram ran over to the carcass and shrieked - nothing remained but the outer skin and shattered rib cage. It looked like a giant ice-cream scoop had been used to remove all the internal organs.
Suddenly another one exploded, than another. The ewes launched into the sky with what sounded like the popping of champagne corks new year's eve.

That was when he first saw it....first saw THEM
On the ground where each ewe had been before launching skyward, was a writhing black mass.
Each horrid creature began shaking of the thick, oozing goo then stood on short, spindly legs.

"Oy Vay..." Hiram muttered. Suddenly he was being gazed on by a dozen pairs of glowing orange eyes.
When he took a step back, the creatures advanced toward the fence with an evil, low-pitched chattering sound.

Oy GAVALT!!! He screamed and began running toward the house.

[Nobeard]

"Esther!....Essstheeeeerrr!!!! Hiram screamed in terror and he made a mad dash for the back porch.

"That Shlimazel!" Esther fumed, "Probably castrated himself climbing over the fence...heh! and I should be so lucky?
She pushed open the screen door just as Hiram reached the porch. He jerked the fencing pliers from his back pocket and flung them at a black swirling clump of wool that was right behind him.

"What in the name of..." Ester began as he shoved past her and skidded into the kitchen.

The clump of wool separated into a dozen small, revolting creatures and the pliers bounced on the ground in the center of them.
Several chattered and hissed, examining the metallic object before pouncing. As Esther watched, the pliers were torn apart and devoured in an instant.
Then they turned their attention toward the porch and Esters was staring at a dozen pairs of glowing, orange eyes.

"So..." She shrugged, gave a nervous laugh and rolled her eyes. "Now there's this to deal with..."
Then turned and ran screaming into the house.

An instant later, the writhing mass of black wool crashed though the screen door.
There were screams and wailing...the sounds of rending garments and gnashing teeth...



Then silence.



Followed by a resounding "BURP!!!"

[Nobeard]

He then walked over and handed it to Ferd and said...I believe this belongs to you....use it wisely.

Just then Kinison came out of the woods: "Damn, that was close!"

Otis looked at him in shock, "How DARE you show your face here - you're a COWARD!"

"Yah!! - Dats Right!" the Amish Commandos agreed.

"Oh. Really." he said with a giggle, then bellowed "Gorge Zoros!!!" to which the commands covered their ears and dropped to their knees.

"You are a..." Otis started.

"Save IT!..." Kinison cut him off angrily. "Ever heard the old saying: 'deception is the better part of valor' or did you sleep though that part of history class?"

"I thought it was discretion is..." Ferditta started to correct him

"oh Oh OOH! FUCK IT!" Kinision roared, throwing his hands up. "Just help me round up as much of Diceman as we can find - NOW!"
Looking around he added, "I'll explain while were...doing...that?" then he grumbled. "Guess Kyle musta found some Shmuck Shot!"

[Nobeard]

As they scoured the ground, Kinison began explaining: "Gor..."
The Commandos all gasped and he rolled his eyes: "Okay... Old Scrotum Face feeds on fear, so anybody that looks like they're afraid of him has a better chance of staying alive."
"Somehow...Dice knew Kyle was about to get here..." he picked up a battered chunk of metal. "YES! Found his Zippo!!!"

"That's why he got that family to leave?" Otis asked suspiciously, to which Kinison nodded.

[Nobeard]

"Wait, I'm confused..." Carl said slowly, then picked up a strip of metal. "Is this his zipper?" Going wide eyed, he cringed and dropped it, frantically wiping his hand on his shirt.

Kinison almost fell over laughing, "That's from his motorcycle jacket!"

"Ve has a belt buckle, part of the collar - and zome of his sun glasses." several of the commandos called out.

"We need to hustle!" Kinison warned, looking to the thunderheads in the southern sky. "Time is running out..."

[Nobeard]

"Pile everything there!" He pointed to the spot where Agent Diceman had been standing when Kyle blasted him with the shotgun. "Anybody find a cigarette butt?"
They all looked at each other and shrugged.

Kinison's eyes swept the ground then went wide with despair, "Oh no...." he groaned. "He...he never lit one after we got out of the Yukon..."

[Nobeard]

"I don't understand." Ferditta shook her head.

"I do." Otis said with a grim look. "You're trying to perform the Resurrectionem Contemptibilem"

Kinison looked at the small pile on the ground, the only earthly remains of The Diceman, Agent of O.H.S.H.I.T.
"We were so close..." he sobbed.

[Nobeard]

"I could use a smoke!..." Ferd interjected.

"SHUT UP - FERD!" Said Everyone.

[Nobeard]

"Fine!" he grumbled. "Maybe there's one that aint burnt all the way down in the ashtray..." and turned toward the Yukon.

"Holy SHIT..." Kinison jumped up and bounded toward the battered truck. "...please, Please, PLEASE!!! he muttered, frantically ripping the ashtray out.

"What the HELL is a...rez-a-rectum..." Ferditta tried to ask Otis.

"Rectum hell! Looked more like it KILLED 'em" Fred said and began laughing hysterically .
Until Olaf swung his hand in a full circle and slapped it down hard on top of Ferd's wrapped head.

"Resurrectionem Contemptibilem" Otis said slowly. "It's Latin for a spell, loose translation is 'Resurrecting the Despicable."

"That's how you brought Ferd back!" She gasped.

Just then Kinison barked: "YAHTZEE!!" and held up a crumpled, half smoked Marlboro in one hand and an unopened pack in the other.

[Nobeard]

Dashing back to the small pile of debris, he gingerly placed the cigarette butt in the center with the filter down. Taking a deep breath, he swept them all with a serious look.
"We've got one shot at this." He warned. "I'm talking one and Only one..." Then he looked toward Otis.

The men locked eyes for a long moment before Kinison finally spoke:

"I really don't give two squirts of piss what you think about me, or him." he nodded toward the small pile.
"This is about EVERYBODY...not just here, the whole FUCKING planet." Then he asked in earnest. "You willing to help me with the..."

Otis nodded immediately, knelt next to Kinison and the two of them began chanting in Latin...

[Nobeard]

As the chant began, it seemed every other sound disappeared, as if the entire world had gone completely silent.
When it grew louder, there was a faint rustle in the tops of the surrounding trees, then the slightest trimmer in the ground.

Ferditta and Carl looked at each other and beat a hasty retreated toward the Yukon.
The Amish Commandos had already moved to the other side of the vehicle and were peering around the top and sides.

"...I still need a ciga..." Ferd muttered, his eyes out of focus from Olaf's skull-slap.

"shut-UP, Ferd!" the others hissed.

[Nobeard]

Otis and Kinison's chant grew louder, faster...
It seemed both men were going into a trance as their tempo increased....
The tops of the trees began to sway and then shake as a cold wind descended on the roadside park.
Litter and dirt was being swept up in a circular gale that was all around the two men, but not a hair on their heads or a stitch of either ones clothing moved.
It was as if they were in the very eye of a mighty hurricane.

[Nobeard]

As the others watched from the relative safety of the Yukon, Kinison stopped chanting and slowly extended a trembling hand toward the pile of remains with the ragged cigarette butt. His thumb flipped open the mangled Zippo as Otis began to chant louder.

Taking a deep breath, Kinison began whispering 'oh...Oh....OOH'

His voice fell into rhythm with the Latin incantation that Otis was reciting.

Everyone behind the Yukon held their breath....

Except Ferd, who was looking around with a cross-eyed confused expression, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from.