Zoros stormed into the room absolutely livid with anger.
"You ignorant fucking slut!", he howled!
"I have a vitally important job for you and now you won't be able to even walk for months!"
Weevil grabbed his pants and snuck out the back door.
Zoros stormed into the room absolutely livid with anger.
"You ignorant fucking slut!", he howled!
"I have a vitally important job for you and now you won't be able to even walk for months!"
Weevil grabbed his pants and snuck out the back door.
Last edited by weevil; 04-17-2021 at 01:35 PM.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
Meanwhile Maxine the Shit Buzzard called upon her mindless minions to get ready to start the Great Chimpout............
Don't Let the Bastards wear you down. Gen Joseph "Vinager Joe" Stillwell.
[Meanwhile in the dingy basement room of a Bronx tenement]
Francis 'Hissy' Snodgrass, lead singer of a Goth / Punk Rock / Rap band was sitting at a rickety kitchen table, scribbling on a scrap of paper.
Pausing to chewing on the pencil eraser, he turned to the living room.
"Hey! Clarence!" he called out, "What rhymes with diarrhea?.."
"Uh...how about Crimea?" Clarence 'Snot-Rocket' Pisslipsky, the band's bass player shrugged as he tried to peal apart the pages of a tattered porn magazine.
"Whut?..." Hissy asked in a confused voice. "What's that an how's it spelled?..."
"It's a country in like, Africa or something. Spelled...c-r-y-m-e-e-u-h."
"Yea! - that Works!" Hissy turned back to the paper and began mumbling as he wrote the lyrics 'blasting enough diarrhea to cover Crimea'...
Pausing to read the entire page he called out "This ones gonna be a hit for sure!"
Harold 'Stank' Knickerbocker (band drummer) broke wind, then said "Every song you write is supposed to be a big deal for-sure hit..."
Before he could finish, there was a loud knock at the front door and the three dove for cover.
"Got a delivery for..." the voice paused to reread the label "It says 'Hissy and the Fits' from yer Aunt Fah..."
Francis wrestled open the front door and took the package. Turning back into the room he was tackled by his band mates and the three of them ripped it apart. A pile of $100 bills spilled out on the floor, which resulted in an immediate bitch-slap fight. Once the cash was divided up, they checked the envelope that was taped inside the box. It contained a single sheet of paper and keys to locker at the Port Authority bus terminal
Francis looked it over and gave a low whistle. "Check out the instructions for this month!" He grinned, "It says....."
Last edited by Nobeard; 04-17-2021 at 01:32 PM.
Zoros fumed in anger.....and for the first time in many years felt a twinge of fear.
"Curses", he thought "that thorn in my side Otis has found a way to defeat me and my ace-in-the-hole is temporarily out of action...CURSES!!!"
"Everything is against me....those bumbling fools have all failed!"
Then a crooked smile came over his hideous mug....."of course why didn't I think of that before........"
Last edited by weevil; 04-17-2021 at 02:04 PM.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"I'll resurrect the gun fighter MATT BASTERDSON!!!" Zoros hissed as his reptilian tongue flicked out, sweeping a stray strand of hair from his eyes.
"I left that cursed fool buried at the bottom of the Lost Douche Bag Mine, in the Stupidstission Mountains!..."
Ferd had wandered off to rub one out....but was startled by two children.
It was Greeta and Little Davey......"come play with us ferd".
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"It's not a skirt - it's a KILT!" Ferd babbled, still disoriented from Olaf's might skull slap. "I'ma Frenchman!!!" he grinned.
(Being a half-wit on a good day, it never occur to Ferd that the children somehow knew his name without asking...)
A feeling of dread suddenly hit Otis......"where's ferd???"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"He's gone Otis he's gone", Ferditta cried!
Otis's heart sank, he knew that without ferd, Ferditta's power would not work......it was like electricity and had to flow from positive to negative....the negative pole was gone.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"We gotta get back to Cooterville Otis!!", Ferditta pleaded!
"We need Granny Ferdberger's help!!!"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
Otis and Ferditta raced to the Hellcat and sped away showering the rest of the party with gravel.
"Ach du lieber Gott!! What is wrong mit Otis??" Carl exclaimed!
Last edited by weevil; 04-17-2021 at 03:36 PM.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
The Hellcat raised a huge dust cloud as it flew down County Road 113 south of Cooterville.
"Slowdown Otis....you know that bridge is only one lane" Ferditta warned!
The Hellcat cliiped the bridge on one side as pieces of taillight flew in all directions!
"Slowdown Otis "you're" gonna kill us for we even get to Granny's!!!"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
The Hellcat cleared the gate and screeched to halt in front of the old Ferdberger Place.
Granny stood up from her rocker on the porch and hollered, "Got dammit you better not a hit none of my chickens!!!"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
Ferditta and Otis jumped out and started walking to the porch.
Granny asked Otis, "Otis Fenderbosch where'd you get a car like that....you steal that....see Ferditta I told you he wasn't as goody-two-shoes as he acts!"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"No Granny...it's my brother's car", Otis replied.
"Kyle?!?......Oh horseshit that worthless cull cain't afford a car like that....now I know it's stole if Kyle had something to do with it", Granny exclaimed.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"Granny Ferdberger you be nice....Kyle has passed on to his reward and you know it ain't right to speak ill of the dead." Ferditta said.
"What...did he get shot robbing a liquor store???" Granny asked.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"Granny please"..begged Otis.."it's ferd he has been kidnapped by Zoros!!!"
"Well hell don't worry he'll bring him back right quick", Granny chuckled...."that old sonuvabitch Gorge, he always was a fucker!"
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"Granny do you know about.....the power they have?" Otis asked quietly.
"Hell yes I know...how do you think I wound up with these two...when their ma Edna found out what they could do she was scared shitless and dumped them off on me and never came back for them. Took off to Mexico with Maggie-Sue's boy Elijah or as she likes to be called by that high falutin name she goes by now....Margaret." Granny said.
"How you know they called old lady Cooter Maggie-Sue....I know you weren't friends", Ferditta said.
"Friends hell....we're sisters", Granny exclaimed!
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"Alright then let's see what we kin do a bout gettin' ferd back", Granny said.
They walked back around the house to the root cellar and went down in. Granny moved some mason jars off a shelf and pulled a lever.
The rear wall swung open to an arsenal with every rifle, handgun, machine gun and firearm you could imagine, RPGs mini-guns, full size gatlin guns, boxes of grenades, mortars, two matching Howitzers, a Sherman tank, and a Hawk missile battery on a trailer.
Last edited by weevil; 04-17-2021 at 08:53 PM.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
"Sure be nice if we could take one of the Howitzers", Granny said..."but I bet that sissified car you stole ain't a got a pintle hook."
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
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