Page 7 of 15 FirstFirst ... 56789 ... LastLast
Results 121 to 140 of 299

Thread: How about a "make a story" game?

  1. #121
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    As the rear hatch opened, Sheriff Talton climbed out. "That's not...we can't be at the train station already!"
    Looking around, he shook his head in disbelief. "It's a 20 minute drive from the diner!"

    "What took you so long Dice?" Agent Kenison was sitting on the hood of his Yukon.

    "Yea!" Agent Dangerfield chimed in, "We thought maybe you got lost."

    Agent Dice nodded toward Talton and Piccollo, both were leaning on his vehicle with wobbly legs and a disoriented, confused look.
    "Passengers..." He lit a Marlboro then chuckled, "they haven't been acclimated to sonic overdrive, had to take my time."

    A gurgling sound was coming from Piccollo's stomach, his mouth began to quiver and Talton was sweating profusely.

    "Wait for it..." Agent Kinison wiggled his eyebrows with a look of anticipation.

    "In 3...2...1" Agent Dangerfield gave the countdown.

    Both the local lawmen dropped to their knees and began to projectile vomit.

    "There - it - is, ladies an gentlemen!" Agent Diceman cracked his neck, spit to the side and took a backhanded drag from the cigarette.
    "A newbie burp in genuine Technicolor!!!"

    "I...I don't understand..." Sheriff Talton managed between heaves.

    "Simple," Agent Dice shrugged. "The reason you haven't heard about us, or any of those uninvited visitors I mentioned?..."
    Waiting until the sheriff looked up, he continued. "That reason is simple: we do our FOOKIN' job, and were good at it!"
    Last edited by Nobeard; 04-10-2021 at 09:19 PM.

  2. #122
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    You heard of me bitch?

    The Amazon lopped off agent Dice's head.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  3. #123
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Deputy Piccolo fainted.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  4. #124
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Sheriff Talton and Deputy Piccollo screamed in terror as Dice's head rolled toward them.

    Agent Kinison leaned back on the hood and folded his arm, "...and here we GO!

    "Aw SHIT..." Agent Dangerfield did a facepalm. "...every time this happens, he becomes more of a smart-ass!"

    "Yea, I've heard a you..." Dice's disembodied head gave a wink / kiss
    "You're that skanky, stinking, knuckle draggin' Venusian rust-bucket what's going to the hospital in two separate ambulances!

    Before the Amazon could react, Dice's right foot slammed into her face with a scissor kick.

  5. #125
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    As she reeled backwards, the left hand of Dice's decapitated body caught her sword in mid-air and made two lightening fast swipes.
    Sparks and smoke erupted from her torso as it slid apart and landed on the ground with a metallic 'crunch'.

  6. #126
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Mimicking a sports announcer, the decapitated head gave a cheer:
    "You saw it here first folks! Jack Nicholson grabbed that nine iron and hit the nail right on the head!"

    "Aw Jeeze" Rodney looked up then put his palm back over his face.

    Dice's body swept the katana in a circular motion then bowed like a Samurai.
    "Put it right between the goalposts and outta the ballpark! Nothin' but net - SPLASH!"

    "You see!" Agent Dangerfield extended his hand toward Diceman while looking at Kinison, "Smart-ass level 9 has just been achieved!"
    Last edited by Nobeard; 04-10-2021 at 09:49 PM.

  7. #127
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    As they were congratulating themselves they didn't notice the Amazon's crumpled body begin to glow just before exploding.

    A huge black mushroom cloud hung over the westside of Cooterville as the Commandos picked themselves off the ground from the blast.

    A tattered campaign hat fluttered to the ground from high in the air.
    Last edited by weevil; 04-10-2021 at 10:05 PM.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  8. #128
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Dice's decapitated body walked over and knelt next to his head, putting the cigarette from his right hand into the mouth.

    After attempting several drags, he rolled his eyes "Oh, right!" he chuckled, "Doesn't work unless the lung bone is connected to the head bone!"

    After picking up his head and placing it on his shoulders with a 360º twist, he took a drag from the Marlboro. "OH yea!"

    Turning toward Sheriff Talton and Deputy Piccolo, Dice exhaled smoke from both ears.
    "Do NOT try this at home kids!" He laughed and cracked his neck in both directions....then cut an enormous fart.

    NOW Deputy Piccolo fainted

    "Correction!" Dangerfield groaned, "Level 10, we're now at level 10!"


    [THAT'S when the Amazon exploded]
    Last edited by Nobeard; 04-11-2021 at 03:43 PM.

  9. #129
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Ferd-dog jumped from licking his pecker...the explosion had startled him and he began to bark furiously.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  10. #130
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    We Now Interrupt Your Thread
    For These Brief Commercial Messages!



    Well, I have to shut down for tonight.

    The boys want me to tell them a bedtime story...










  11. #131
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Ferd never sleeps!
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  12. #132
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Ralph Jockerson was screaming into the telephone receiver at his diner. After waiting on hold for almost 5 minutes he had finally connected to the county offices and was demanding compensation for damage to his parking lot caused by the melted police cruiser.

    Suddenly, the floor and windows shook and a resounding 'boom' followed several seconds later.

    'Oh SHIT!'
    Ralph's first thought was of Ferditta, who was changing out the propane tank behind the diner. He dropped the phone and ran through the kitchen and out the back door.

    'Stupid bitch probably lit a Kool with the valve open!!!

    He tumbled out the back door and found Ferditta, looking to the south as a large black mushroom cloud formed.
    Both stared in awe as it climbed in to the sky.

    Everything was still, nothing stirred and it was completely silent.


    Except for the furious barking of a nearby dog....





    [NEXT!!!]

  13. #133
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Sheriff Talton woke up stuck high in the branches of old lady Cooter's sycamore and there was deputy Piccolo in the weeping willow moaning and groaning.

    Sonuvabitch my ears are ringing!!!
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  14. #134
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Margaret Cooter came walking out of the Cooter Mansion to see what had blown up....probably the propane tank at that greazy spoon diner.

    Then she was startled by strange noises coming from high in the trees.......Sheriff Talton and his dipshit deputy?!?

    Now what....I'll bet that damn ferd is involved!
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  15. #135
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    Umm excuse me Mrs. Cooter, hate to be a bother but we could sure use some help.



    You know you're trespassing!

    Do you have a warrant to be on my property!
    Last edited by weevil; 04-11-2021 at 04:15 PM.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  16. #136
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586

    Wink Here's the next chapter...

    Ralph and Ferditta stood behind EATS diner for a full minute, watching the black cloud rise into the sky. The top had begun to roll over and fan outward like the mushroom of an atomic blast when Ralph finally spoke:
    "What the heck do you think..."

    "FERD" Her one word reply was an angry growl, and spoken with absolute certainty.

    "Oh come on!" Ralph began to object.

    Ferditta held a hand up then shook her head. "It's Ferd, it's GOT. to. be!"

    He waited until she lowered her hand the tried to continue "How you figure..."

    "Two days ago..." Ferditta started with a low, harsh voice, "Hiram Gooshmear's entire flock of sheep gets raped, including the rams."
    She took a deep breath through clenched teeth and continued. "Yesterday, Ferd shows up looking for a hand-out and then bites Lester the mailman."

    "That's right!" Ralph whispered. "Ferd did bite Lester..."

    Ferditta ignored him and continued "Today? Three strangers in identical SUVs show up, along with those two orange eyed..."

    "Lester and Martha!..." Ralph said with a gasp.

    "No!" Ferditta objected angrily. "Ferd only bit Lester when he stopped here..."

    "No - listen!" Ralph interrupted, "Buford and Jimmie-Joe came running through the parking lot, tore up like they'd been scrappin' with a bobcat..."
    A look of horror was growing on his face. "THEY said Lester and Martha were after them!" He swallowed hard and continued, "Then those two...things showed up..."

    "O-kay" Ferditta said slowly. "What, exactly did the three goofs in the Yukons tell you?..."
    Smacking Ralph across the back of the head, she demanded: "THINK dang it!!!"

    Ralph cringed, then began scratching his chin. "Let's see: Hiram's raped sheep and following the trail here...something about a Suckerberg infection and looking for patient zero..." Then he jolted and looked at Ferditta. "The one in the leather jacket! He was calling headquarters about Lester and Martha being confirmed cases when Sheriff Talton showed up an run em over!!!"

    "He was talking into his sleeve, wasn't he?" Ferditta demanded "WASN"T HE?!?!"

    When Ralph nodded, Ferditta screamed: "SON ofa BITCH! I knew it!!!"
    She was becoming unhinged, "The last time somebody was chasing Ferd and talkin' into their sleeve it was Gunsnet Security!"

    See Ralph's was obviously confusion she continued.

    "My dipshit brother, posted pics of 'Little Ferd'...in General Discussion!"
    Both her fist were clenched and her entire body was shaking violently.
    "He's the only pecker-snot in the entire history of the internet that's been banned from The Roadhouse!!!"

    Ralph began to back away, expecting a second explosion at any second, when a sudden calm swept over Ferditta.
    She turned toward the sound of a dog braking furiously a few blocks away.

    "Nonstop..." she muttered, "...been going non-stop this whole time..."

    "Yea," Ralph gave a nervous laugh. "that explosion musta really..."

    "Shush!" Ferditta leaned toward the sound and whispered. "Count to 20, out loud...and listen!"

    Knowing better than to argue, he began to count slowly. When he reached '20' she turned on her heals and demanded:

    "There - did you hear that?!?

    Ralph shrugged "Uh...yea, it's been barking ever since..."

    "Non-Stop!" Ferditta corrected. "5 to 6 time a second without even stopping to take a breath!"

    Ralph blinked at the realization. "F..fuh...Ferd?.." he finally stammered.

    "It GOTTA be!!!" Ferditta was in full rage mode. "Nothing else could be that irritating for that long without even stopping for AIR!!!"

    Spinning around, she retrieved a 16" pipe wrench from the ground by the propane tank. After slapping the head of the wrench into the palm of her hand several times, she looked at Ralph with a demonic grin that made his blood run cold.

    "I'ma endin' this..." Ferditta whispered, "...once an forever."

    Slooowly she turned, walking toward the braking with the solid, purposeful steps of a warrior on a suicide mission.

    "Foh-EV-ah" she repeated with a psychotic laugh.

  17. #137
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    As the CFD got Piccolo out the willow he howled like a shortchanged Arab.

    I think his arm is broke sheriff.

    Well then we better get him over to Doc Analface.
    Last edited by weevil; 04-12-2021 at 01:52 PM.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  18. #138
    Team GunsNet Bronze 07/2011 weevil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    6,372
    As the Commandos dusted themselves off and regrouped after the explosion....Carl shouted.....

    Ver ist the utter zombie!!!!

    In all the commotion Buford had slipped away.
    Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???

  19. #139
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Meanwhile at the Office of Homeland Security Homeworld and Interplanetary Tactical / Worldwide Telecommunications Facility (O.H.S.H.I.T / W.T.F) there was complete pandemonium. Multiple panels and displays were covered with flashing lights. A giant digital screen showed a bright red circle around a small city in Numbnuts County.

    "Venusion Sexbot self-destruct detected in Cooterville!" An electronic voice repeated in a loop on the PA system.

    One of the technicians was typing furiously while watching two flickering monitors. His eyes grew wide and he slapped an 'Alert' button on the console:
    "Agents at that location! Something called 'Operation Fart-Knocker'! Listed as level A / double-plus ridiculous!" he called out to the room.

    "Which agents!?" an officer on the catwalk above the computer room demanded "What was their last communication!?!"
    "and turn that damn PA system OFF!" he snapped, "We already know there's a clusterfuck in effect!!!"

    "Sir yes SIR!" everyone on the floor replied and the electronic voice went silent.

    "Sir! Agent info coming through now, Sir!" the tech peered at the screen: "Diceman, Kinison and Dangerfield. Last communication 7 minuets ago, Sir!"

    "Sir! Report of two confirmed cases! Sir!" another tech added. "Two were...'splattered by local law...en-farce-ment'..?" the techs voice trailed off as he checked the screen.
    "OK! Correction!" he continued, "It's local 'Law Enforcement' and..."

    "FUCK!" was the immediate reply from the officer on the catwalk.

    The tech swiveled his chair and looked up "Sir! Unauthorized involvement of civilians or the confirmed cases splattered? Sir!"

    "NO!" the officer bellowed, "Who the FUCK decided to let Agent Diceman send reports!?!"

    "Sir! Important update! Sir!" another tech called out. "All agents were proceeding to Cooterville train station, that...that was the epicenter of the blast." He paused to check the screen then continued in an uneasy voice "Uh...no communication since the blast. Unable to raise them on com-links...." his voice trailed off.

    The office waited several seconds, impatiently tapping his foot on the catwalk. Leaning over the railing, he asked:
    "What was that?...Didn't quite catch the last part... he snarled.

    The entire room went silent. The reporting tech, blinked, looked at his screen then stiffened and spun out of his chair, snapping to attention.
    "SIR!" he yelped "Unable to raise them on com-links, SIR!!!!!!

    "Damn right it's 'SIR' and don't you EVER forget it!!!" the officer barked. "You're relieved! Go shoot yourself in the foot!!!"

    "SIR! YES SIR!!!" the tech replied as the officer stormed off.

    "Where you think he's going?" one of the younger techs whispered after the office left.

    "The Squints" an older, senior tech replied with a grim expression. The younger techs gasped.

    I'll guarantee it...guaran-DAMN-tee it" he added for emphasis. Shit just got real!

  20. #140
    Team GunsNet Silver 04/2015 Nobeard's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    586
    Major Conniption stormed down the hall from the communication center toward the elevator. At the door, he held an ID badge up to the scanner and it slid open. He paused for a moment and listened, tapping his foot impatiently.
    Several seconds later there the faint sound of a pistol shot, followed by a Wilhelm Scream.
    With a satisfied nod he stepped in, '...forget to call me 'Sir!' again you little shit-head...' he thought '...rip you nipples and wear 'em like campaign badges!'

    As the door slid shut he suddenly felt uneasy and took a deep breath...
    "Okay, you're going to see the big boys" he spoke to his reflection in the polished stainless door.
    "The Squints brook no bullshit, so you better shit your get together!'

    After checking his uniform, he took another deep breath and pushed the button for level XD.
    It only took a few seconds for the high-speed elevator to reach the ultra-secure level. Major Conniption stepped out, squared his shoulders and marched smartly to the only door at the end of a long, empty hallway. Stopping to take another deep breath, he made a quick mental checklist of what to say, then raised his hand to knock...

    "Yeeeah..." a gravely voice drawled before his knuckles touched the door.

    "We know you're there" another voice added in a low, menacing baritone.

    "Come in...." both said in unison as the large steel door swung silently open.

    Major Conniption swallowed and stepped into the dimly lit room and the door swung shut behind him.

    Two figures were sitting at a chess table under a 40 watt bulb, holding a hand of cards. Neither acknowledged his presence as he stood at attention.

    'Just be calm, they're sizing you up....' Major Conniption thought. 'It's a waiting game, their game and they're experts at it.'





    Several minutes passed in heavy, deafening silence....









    "Two a clubs...." Clint Eastwood drawled.

    With the faintest shake of his head, Charles Bronson murmured "...go fish..." then slowly reached over and moved a piece on the chess board.



    Major Conniption's bladder suddenly felt full, he swallowed hard and he began to perspire:
    'I'm WAY outta my league with these two' he thought nervously.

Page 7 of 15 FirstFirst ... 56789 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •