How about a "make a story" game?

[Krupski]

In the mean time Dice decided to fill Ferditta in, since she had guessed he wasn't human. Dice said "Listen Ferditta, there's sumthin you need to know 'bout me. Back in 2008, me and Ralph Jockerson were mercenaries in Iraq. We had a good thing going. About the only action we saw was gettin' it on with the Venus sexbots. Nobody knew about them but us, and we showed them a good time.

Well, one day me and Ralph were strolling through the outskirts of town, not a care in the world when suddenly it felt like Thor clocked me with his hammer. I seen this bright flash and that was it.

Couldn't hear nuthin but Ralph screamin his fool head off. I'm layin flat on my back thinking 'what the hell...' when I looked at myself and saw... NUTHIN! I was blowed apart! Only my head and neck was left. I thought to myself 'well you sure is fucked now' and everything went black.

Next thing I know I wake up in a hospital room of some kind with two Venus doctor bots talkin to each other. I said 'whats up, docs?' and they said I had been killed on earth and the two sexbots were cryin an sayin that they just had to fix me up cause I satisfied them so good. There was nuthin left that was any good 'cept my head. So, they connected it with their bot technology and fixed me up! Stronger, faster and bigger... if ya know what I mean! (as Dice's eyebrows wolfishly flicked up and down).

They fixed me up and sent me back to earth so I could keep my two Venus sex bots satisfied. Never did find out about Ralph though.

Anyway, a couple days later your "brother" or whatever the fuck he is jumped me and bit my leg. I gave him a swift kick and he ran away yelping. I though to myself 'great, I gets all fixed up and now I'm gonna die from Suckerberg. But, my bot body didn't get sick! Of course, I'm a bot. I can't be killed! So, now you know why you and me are the only way to put an end to this Suckerberg epidemic.

So, what you say Ferditta? Gonna help me save humanity from Suckerberg and the evil Ferd thing? Nobody else can do it 'cept you and me doll. How 'bout it?

Ferditta stared wide-eyed at Dice's story. It all made sense now. Ferditta knew she had to make a decision. A big decision. She thought for a minute or so, then said...

[weevil]

I gotta go pee!

As ferditta headed for the bushes a battered black Yukon limped up and came to a stop and out stepped agents Kinison and Dangerfield.

Hello "father", Otis said in an icy voice.

Son good to see you, how's it going kid no hard feelings eh.

You sorry sonuva.....you left my mother to raise two boys by herself, she went to her grave still dreaming someday you would come back! You damn right there's some hard feelings!!!

[weevil]

But enough of our family reunion......it's Kyle.

Kyle my baby-boy, great kid how's he doing?

He's dead and Kamala stole his soul....we can't bring him back to life but just maybe...together....we can save his soul.

[Krupski]

Ferditta finished her business and returned from the bushes. Dice turned toward her and said "well, did you think about what I said? I gotta know. What do ya say, doll?"

Ferditta angrilly replied "I ain't your doll and I'm still thinkin about it!"

Dice said "OK, OK! Don't get your panties in a bunch!"

Ferditta replied "I ain't even wearin panties... shows what you know!"

Exasperated, Dice just shook his head and lit up another smoke. "You know what's at stake, doll um I mean Ferditta. I just need to know if I - we can count on your help".

Ferditta stared directly into Dice's eyes and said...

[weevil]

I don't trust you as far as I can spit!

Otis is my man and I go where he goes!

[weevil]

Sheesh kid that's a lot to lay on a guy.....so you got a plan or just gettin' all spritual on me?

Ferd and Ferditta.....neither of them realize the power they have. With them together we could challenge Zoros himself! Otis proclaimed.



At the mention of the evil one's name the Amish Commandos fell to their knees and covered their ears.

[weevil]

Hey Buford...you okay???

You don't look so gooo.....AAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

[weevil]

Keep it down Otis, I'm not too sure how up and up these guys are....you know who has spies and toadies everywhere......where's Kinison???

Yes I know....Kamala is just one of his toadies.....and this whole epidemic is just a ruse and a diversion to keep us from seeing the true evil.

[Krupski]

Otis frowned and said "I think part of it aint a ruse. Them two locals did get bit and they were leakin that evil smellin black shit". And look what it did to the SUV. Yeah, it's probly that ugly old fuck Zoros, but I'll betcha them Chi-neeze are in on it too. Maybe that Zoros fuck aint human neither... ever give that a thought?

[Nobeard]

{Having a hard time telling who is talking to who, guess I'll just jump in}

(by somebody)"...where's Kinison???"

"Over here." He walked out of the tree line on the far side of the barn, bushing pine needles and pieces of bark off the front of his tweed overcoat.
"Who's using my name in vain and what did I miss." He began rubbing his hands together, trying to remove the pine needles that were stuck to the palms.

"Vhere has you been!" Demanded one of the Amish Commandos

"Yah!.." Another chimed in, "...and vat hast you been doing?... What's that sticky stuff all over your handz?!"

"Well..."Kinison began with his characteristic chuckle: "...I was just, you know..." he turned his head and nodded toward the trees. When he looked back his face was filled with rage.
"Over THERE - Banging your MOTHER!!! I needed the PINE TAR to keep my HANDS from slipping off her FAT ASS!!! oh OOOHHH!!!"

As the wide-eyed Commandos backed away from Kinison, Agent Dice called out. "Yo Sam! You get it set up?"

"Of course..." He replied nonchalantly, "But maybe next time?..." It started like a pleasant suggestion, then he scowled and his voice turned into a low, throaty growl:
"You find somebody ELSE to climb trees for you!" He leaned forward angrily "Think you can DO that for me buddy? HUH!?!"

"What's goin' on?" Otis turned away from Dangerfield and continued "Where have you been?"

"What, is this stupid question day?" He giggled, "Or are you trying to piss me off?" He glanced down with a big grin and shake of his head, then looked at Otis with an angry scowl.
"Cause that's what your DOING!!!"

"Hey Sam, come on buddy..." Agent Dangerfield said in a hurt voice. "Don't talk to my son like that!"

Sam jerked like he'd been hit by an electric shock then blinked several times. "Wait, you admit being related to HIM?? He demanded.

"Of course!" Rodney put his arm around Otis's shoulder, "Can't you see the resemblance?"

"I was talking to him" Sam replied with a grin, then looked at Otis "I'd kick his ass for saying that - twice if it's true!"

"Oh for fucks sake!" Rodney threw his arms up and rolled his eyes. "Just once - just a little respect!" he sputtered in disgust.

"I asked you a question!" Otis was growing increasingly agitated. "If were going to be a team, IF we're going to work together? You need to be honest!"

"Really!" Diceman lit a Marlboro, swept his arm in a wide circle then snapped the Zippo closed with a resounding 'click! that sounded like a pistol shot.
"So, were working together?..." he said sarcastically. "Hey guys!" looking to Agent Dangerfield then Kinison with a laugh. "We're in the bearded goof-ball club! Hooray!

"Hey god-dam..." Otis caught his curse as the Amish Commandos gasped and manged to cut it short, "...dang it, this is serious and we need to work together if we're..."

Agent Dice cut him off with an icy stare. "You have no FOOKIN' idea how serious this is!..." rolling his head in a circle, there was a resounding 'crack' from his neck.
"So let me fill you in...."

[Nobeard]

"This whole mess is the work of Gorged Zoros..." as Diceman said this, the Amish Commandos gasped and covered their ears. He rolled his eyes and took a long drag from the cigarette.
"...how 'bout we just call him 'scrotum face' that work for you ladies?" He asked with a smirk. Otis nodded, so he continued:

[Nobeard]

"So!" He took another drag before exhaling the first one. "Old Scrotum Face is actually a Reptilian from Zeta Triangulie..."

"I KNEW it!!!" Otis interrupted.

"Good for you, princess!" Dice said with a laugh. "Want me to continue, or you have any other great ass-sumption to ass-tound us with?"

Otis scowled, "Sorry, Please, continue."

"We," he nodded toward Kinison and Dangerfield "are with the Office of Homeland Security Homeworld and Interplanatary Tactical, also known as O.H.S.H.I.T" Waiting until they figured it out, he grinned at the surprised expressions on their faces, the added: "Yea - it's 'Oh Shit' cause we're the agency to call when everybody else in the government is runnin' for cover and screaming...."

"Oh SHIT!!!" Agents Dangerfield and Kinison bellowed in unison.

[Nobeard]

"The specifics and other importants are classified, I'll fill you in on the later..." Dice exhaled a long plume of smoke then nodded toward the Amish Commandos with a smirk, "...when the kiddies are down for their afternoon nap."

"Ve has a right to know too!" Jebediah objected.

"Oh. Really. Diceman said flatly. After taking another drag from the Marlboro, he barked "Gorge Zoros!" and the Commandos shrieked, covering their ears. Dice shrugged. "Hey. Nothing personal, okay?" He exhaled through his ears, then gave a wink. "You can't tell what you don't know, and believe me there's some shit you DON'T wanna know!"

Jebediah grumbled, but nodded in agreement.

[Nobeard]

"What was Kinison doing?.." Dice repeated the question, then pointed to the tallest pine tree along the nearby ridge line. "Setting up a locator com-beacon for resupply."

Ferditta looked at him suspiciously, "Why didn't you just call for 'resupply' by talking into your sleeve."

"Lost the mic." Dice cringed at first, then added "It got flung into the bushes while I was wackin' off to the thought of you in those jeans with no panties - OH!"

"What!?" Otis demanded

"What?.." Dice held his arms out to the side and leaned back, "expect me to believe you never spank one off?" He winked at Otis "Come on, we both know better!"

"Ferditta, why would you tell him?" Otis started to object. "Long story - doesn't matter right now." she shook her head with a sigh.

"No worries - she passed the test anyway." Dice gave an approving nod.

"WHAT?!?" Otis, Ferditta and the Amish Commandos all asked in unison.

"She's not a Venusian sex-bot." Dice continued, to which Kinison and Dangerfield sighed in relief.

"Justa damn minute!!!" Ferditta snarled. "When you were making a pass at me - that was..."

"Well, yea!" Dice looked insulted. "Had to make sure and you ignored all the non-verbal ques and trip words!"

Ferditta started to object, stopped and turned her head to the side with a confused look.

"Well, you coulda asked me!" Ferd began to interject.

"SHUT-UP, FERD!!!" Everyone said in unison.

"Sons a bitches!.." he grumbled, "...that makes me made an angry, like Al Capone!"

[weevil]

[Yeah not sure why Otis is questioning his own theory but we'll move on.]

As they spoke Carl hollered "vee ist surrounded".

On every side there were hundreds of orange eyed zombies....and in the distance could be heard a woman laughing maniacally.

[Nobeard]

The three Agents seemed unconcerned by the creatures.

"Okay; here's the short stroke," He looked at Ferd, sitting naked on the filthy mattress. "bet you're an expert on 'short strokes, eh Mr. Capone?" then snapped his fingers, 'OH!

"When that Venusian Amazon exploded at the train station," He continued, "It had an EMP generator that knocked out our com-links."

Dangerfield added "That blast also took out two of our vehicles and about half the equipment." he rolled his eyes, "Yeesh, you'd think a sex-bot would have more respect!"

"That tree." Kinison pointed toward the ridge. "It's a direct line of sight to the microwave tower over at Podunk Junction, which will connect the beacon to headquarters."

"Annnnd..." Diceman gave a full body shake followed by a 360º heel spin and finger snap, then held out his hand. A small package fell from sky into his open palm.

Kinison and Dangerfield held out their hand - a package landed in Sam's palm.

After several seconds, Rodney looked up and another package fell from the sky - smacking him square in the face.

Everyone else looked up in disbelief. Three small orbs shot off into the distance while the one over Dangerfield did several loops before departing.
"No respect at all - even from the drones!" he lamented

[Nobeard]

As the Agents put their ear-pieces in, the Amish Commandos screamed :"Vhat do ve do NOW?!?"

Kinison hit the remote for the Yukon and the rear hatch opened. "Watch THIS shit! he said with a grin

[Nobeard]

A large cylinder flipped out onto the ground then popped open and a dark cloud of smoke poured out, then moved across the ground with a faint buzzing noise.

"What tha..." Otis stared as it moved toward them.

"Just stand still and wait..." Kinison whispered as it moved around their feet.
After several seconds, the buzzing cloud swiftly moved away and toward the zombies surrounding them.

"There's not much time." Dangerfield said, "Everybody get in the Yukon!"

"Ve von't all fit in dhere!" Jebediah objected.

[Nobeard]

"Okay..." Agent Dice shrugged, "You can stay here, but those nanite-mosquitoes will only slow 'em down..."

Everyone made a mad dash and piled into the Yukon.

[Nobeard]

When the doors slammed shut, it looked like an overstuffed clown-car straight out of the Dingaling Brothers Circus.

"Hold on!" Kinison laughed as the tires slung rooster tails of dirt. Cutting the wheel, he steered toward a gap made in the line of zombies by the cloud of swarming electronic insects.

"Get yer danged knee outta my crotch Otis!" Ferditta bellowed as she squirmed in the back seat.

"I'm over here" Otis's voice came from the cargo area.

"How YOU doin'?" Dice's voice came from behind her with a Philly accent.

"Son ofa BITCH!" Ferditta screamed while trying to get enough wiggle room to slap him.

"Oh, THIS is gonna be a fun ride!" Dangerfield rolled his eyes with his face pressed against the headliner.


[NEXT!]