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Thread: How many tests and procedures should an 85 year old man take?

  1. #1
    Guns Network Contributor 01/2015 Altarboy's Avatar

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    How many tests and procedures should an 85 year old man take?

    My dad has smoked heavily for 70 years. He is now dealing with lung cancer. He has a fist sized lump and we are getting it biopsied today. He is taking it well, as he has expected to die much younger. The doctors keep talking about all kinds of treatments, but at the end of the day, he is a broken down old guy. I think he should stop getting tests and treatments. That may be easy for me to think considering it's not me.
    I'm just thinking out loud here. Has anyone else struggled with an elderly parent in this position?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Oswald Bastable's Avatar

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    AB, though I have not struggled with this situation, I've always believed that there comes a time...when it's just time.

    I'm 64. I've smoked like a fish and drank like a chimney for nigh on 50 years, and I know the likelihood of me lasting to 85 is slim to none, and we know where slim may now be found.

    At some point it's just time to tell the sawbones to take a hike, let me go in as much peace is due me based on my many sins. Part of it is the whole "throwing good money after bad", but another part of my consideration in this is experiences I've had in keeping a beloved pet alive, long after I should have just let them go.

    There does come a time when quality of life exceeds the body's ability, and the will's desire.

    Buy your dad the finest box of cigars you can afford, some bottles of the finest whiskey he prefers...spend as much time with him as you can while he enjoys them, reminisce of your time together, find all the old memories of happiness and joy, make some new connections...

    ...and celebrate all the love you've shared over the years.

    You have my sincerest condolences over your father's decline...it's never easy, never welcome. But you have an opportunity here. You can make these the best "last" days any father ever had.

    Hope my sentiments help in this regard.
    If we refuse to rule ourselves with reason, then we shall be ruled by our passions.

    He, Who Will Not Reason, Is a Bigot; He, Who Cannot, Is a Fool; and He, Who Dares Not, Is a Slave. -Sir William Drummond

    There are some things I will not abide within my sight!

  3. #3
    Guns Network Contributor 01/2015 Altarboy's Avatar

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    Thank you Oswald. We'll, he is on his front porch with coffee and cigarette. His test results will come back this week and we will know what course of action the doctors want to take. Time will tell.

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    Guns Network Lifetime Member #2

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    I hate to sound crass, but it depends on how much wealth he has, what the cost of treatments are ect. Myself, I would not want to spend all the wealth I created and labored for to exist a year more or a week more or possibly 6 months ect.. I want to give my wealth away to some of my family and some friends that survive me and some causes I believe in. Like Oswald said, (Quality of life), me: what it will cost and what you want to send to your future generation.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Full Otto's Avatar

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    Parkinson's for my dad in his late 70's leukemia for my mom in her early 90's
    They had living wills so the choice had been made for myself and sister
    Just listen to his wishes, if he wants to fight let him, if not support his choice as best you can
    For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe

  6. #6
    Guns Network Contributor 01/2015 Altarboy's Avatar

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    Thanks Guys. All great advice.

  7. #7
    The Riveting Über Admin 308's Avatar

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    I would make sure your dad has a will in place as soon as possible.

    I thought my insane drug addicted brother living in some ghetto house in Hillsboro would be happy receiving a fat check for $200+ K without causing any problems, but noooo....the prick had to argue about the estimated value of a used 10mm wrench to the point he would not agree to the division of all my Dad's assets. My lawyer said this scenario is what he has to deal with all the time...he said there is always one family member who is a vindictive ass and has to put a stick in the spokes at every opportunity...even when none of the other family members has see or heard from the ass in a decade or more, they show up to simply ruin everything.

    My $0.04

  8. #8
    Guns Network Contributor 01/2015 Altarboy's Avatar

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    Yeah, I've seen that before.
    He has a will.

  9. #9
    Senior Member JTHunter's Avatar

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    AB - I understand what you are going through and I feel your "pain".
    My mother is 94, a retired teacher, and no longer "mobile". We can't get her into a nursing home as she hasn't had the "jab", which they are "requiring" despite her having tested positive last December and recovered. Two family members, one of whom works for a medical company, have both opined that the jab would very likely kill her. Considering her age, you can guess what her memory retention is like. At this time, she has a caregiver living in her house with her and they take care of her needs when I can't be there as I live about 12 miles away and have my own house and property with which I have to deal. You can imagine what 24 hour caregivers cost too. Suffice it to say that, since late January, she has had to pay over $150,000 for their "services".

    My brother and S-i-L try to help but he's an OTR trucker and they live about 200 miles away. I'm in my late 60s, need rotator cuff surgery, have an arthritic spine, and my own mobility problems.
    So it is a lot of "fun".
    And we have both been having problems with our houses. (index finger to lips and "twiddle")
    Last edited by JTHunter; 12-04-2022 at 11:54 PM.
    “I have little patience with people who take the Bill of Rights for granted. The Bill of Rights, contained in the first ten amendments to the Constitution, is every American’s guarantee of freedom.” - - President Harry S. Truman, “Years of Trial and Hope”

  10. #10
    Guns Network Lifetime Member #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by 308 View Post
    I would make sure your dad has a will in place as soon as possible.

    I thought my insane drug addicted brother living in some ghetto house in Hillsboro would be happy receiving a fat check for $200+ K without causing any problems, but noooo....the prick had to argue about the estimated value of a used 10mm wrench to the point he would not agree to the division of all my Dad's assets. My lawyer said this scenario is what he has to deal with all the time...he said there is always one family member who is a vindictive ass and has to put a stick in the spokes at every opportunity...even when none of the other family members has see or heard from the ass in a decade or more, they show up to simply ruin everything.

    My $0.04
    I see that shortly. My sister in law just was found during a welfare check. I won't even mention the house, let's just say she turned off the water. My oldest daughter during Night one of or should I say minute one of learning my wife received notice of death from PA to MN by sheriffs deputies knocking at my door started....... Day two texted all kinds of vulgar BS when she found out my wife invited our 2nd daughter to go out to PA. (read I want to find out what $$$$$$$$ I'm getting). Day three of my wife and second daughter going through a house full of shit with two dogs not being let out for a long time........NO WILL. oldest daughter blows a gasket, but she said I was getting this and that....... Guess what you spoiled fricken selfish think of your self all the time brat....... There's no will. Maybe and I say Maybe, there's a 401K as you being partial beneficiary. I expect her to fight this one and my one as both of us had done our will, My wife giving 20% of our estate and me giving her 2%.

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