Divorce!

[Spiderhole]

I never thought I would get hit. Now my ass is in the hot seat! I feel strange talking about it to be honest, but I know others have shared their experiences on the old board. I'm about a month in from the point I told her I could take nicht more, and about t-minus two days from her getting the formal notification which she is expecting. No kids to worry about, but its a painful situation. We were together almost ten years.

[Full Otto]

Always hate to hear that, maybe cause it brings up memories. I started a thread when it first started with me. Never got posted I guess the mod didn't like what he was reading. Can't blame him I was getting pretty out there.
Hang in there

[mriddick]

I wish you the best..

[renegadebuck]

Good Luck! You will be in good company, but it'll take you a while to care.

[slamfire51]

Been there twice. I first was really hard since she was my 1st love and high school sweetheart.
The second, not as bad. Learned from the first about coping with the "lost love" pain.

Now, I've been living with my girlfriend for 15 yrs. Kinda like being married, but better somehow.

Keep your chin up and part as friends. Nothing worse than having an ex as an enemy.
Time will heal. When you are ready, you will find someone else and hopefully be happier.

Good luck!!!

[Spiderhole]

Thanks guys. I definitley am trying to keep things peaceful but she is not happy to say the least. I think the whole thing is very embarrasing from her perspective. We're both for the most part still under the same roof, and I'm trying to give her some space. I have been doing my level best not to fight or argue with her, but she is like a wet hornet right now. I wish nothing but the best for her. I had just told myself the last time that she threatened to leave me that it would be the final. Lots of lines were crossed, and I had basically had enough.

[ubersoldate]

Sounds like it might have been for the best.
Tough time for sure, keep your head up, keep movin along, things WILL get better!

[Kadmos]

Best of luck, I started mine last year, finally finishing up now, another month and all should be completely done with.

Find an outlet (like shooting!...targets that is)

It's best to have have a ton of patience. Try to focus on getting each bit done, rather than the emotional stuff.

My strategy was to be firm on the money issues and generous on everything else. Except a few small personal items (probably only a shoebox full) she was welcome to whatever she wanted...it's just stuff.

By basically giving her whatever she asked for from the "stuff" category I got her to focus on that which allowed me to pretty much get whatever I actually cared about (books, guns).

Don't know if you guys own a house, but consider strongly turning it over to her. I did and ended up with a tidy profit on the house, was able to successfully argue that the market falling really had no impact on my share as she can sell at a much later date (easier because my wife filed and wanted the house).

Also guys getting the house is generally a bad thing from an emotional standpoint. Every guy I know who kept the house actually fought to keep it and are now sitting miserably in these houses that have too many ghosts and memories.

If you do remarry, wife 2 will not want to live in that house any longer than necessary, I see it all the time, husband keeps the house, new wife trys to adjust it to her, usually spending thousands, and in the end still nags him to move them into a different place in a few years at the most.

[az_paul]

I've been through exactly that several times and share your pain. I knew sooner or later the right one would come along, so I swallowed hard and continued my quest. Met my new wife in 1998 and we were married a year later. I'd gladly go through all the bullshit of the past just to get where I am again. It was worth waiting for. Chin up, friend, this is just a temporary bump in your road to happiness. I wish you the best.

[Paladin]

Thanks guys. I definitley am trying to keep things peaceful but she is not happy to say the least. I think the whole thing is very embarrasing from her perspective. We're both for the most part still under the same roof, and I'm trying to give her some space. I have been doing my level best not to fight or argue with her, but she is like a wet hornet right now. I wish nothing but the best for her. I had just told myself the last time that she threatened to leave me that it would be the final. Lots of lines were crossed, and I had basically had enough.

She walked in one day and said she wouldn't live with me anymore. I was out that afternoon. 3 kids. 18 years. For the next 3 months I had to force myself to go to work etc. I was so depressed. But these things change, as they will for you.

Hold fast, friend. Strength & Honor.

[Spiderhole]

Yes, thanks everyone. I own the house lock stock in my name, she is not on the mortgage. I have it on the market already showings booked for Friday. Its a five bedroom house in a nice part of the Philadelphia suburbs (yes, they exist!) so I hope it goes quickly. I am taking a major loss but she's not seeing it that way. I know she's going to get money from the sale based on the laws and she's already positioning with her lawyer. I just want it to be over with quickly. I filed, but I really didn't feel like I had any other choice.

[Ruskiegunlover]

I am glad you have no kids......this will be oh so much easier without......

[cciota]

I've been through what your about to go through. I had to deal with my two boys when I went through my divorce. It hurts like hell but let me assure you it will get better. Good Luck!

[NewbieAKguy]

Sorry to hear it. Bums me out to hear people getting divorce, but it happens. Let us know if there's anything we can do.

[Mark Ducati]

Stay strong, I'm sorry to hear of your woes.... there's plenty of fellas here who have been there that I'm sure are willing to bend an ear for ya. Good luck.

[AKTexas]

Good luck brother,I too did not expect to get hit by the same train.

[abpt1]

That sucks !

Best of luck to you ! In PA it sucks to be the guy... but no kids no worries .You should get off fairly easy . My one bud pays 300week child support .

[ATAK, Inc.]

Hey Spider, stay strong and remember, you have a big family here who will be there for you when you need to vent.

I too went thru my own mess last year, and probably against what many think, I am reconciling, albeit very slowly.

[2rowdy]

Good luck to you. I am 2 weeks into my divorce. No kids between us. We are doing it ourselves with no lawyers, and have already split everything up. She is staying in the house untill it sells.

[L1A1Rocker]

Good luck!